Rav Moshe Weinberger - Parshas Chayei Sara - Shabbos Morning Drasha

Below please find my write-up of Rav Moshe Weinberger's Shabbos morning drasha from this Shabbos, Parshas Chayei Sara. See here for past write-ups. Also, thousands of Rav Weinberger's shiurim are available online HERE.

Rav Moshe Weinberger

Parshas Chayei Sarah 5772

It’s not Me!

I believe that this is the first time that we have had a Bar Mitzvah on four consecutive Shabbosim. Most weeks I usually begin thinking about what I will speak about in the Shabbos morning drasha on Thursday night or Friday morning. But when there is a Bar Mitzva, I spend the whole week thinking about what נקודה, what point, I should speak about that is relevant to the particular Bar Mitzvah boy and his family.

When Avraham wants to find a wife for his son Yitzchak, he sends his servant Eliezer to accomplish this great task in the following way (Bereishis 24:3): “וְאַשְׁבִּיעֲךָ בַּה' אֱלֹקי הַשָּׁמַיִם וֵאלֹקי הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר לֹא-תִקַּח אִשָּׁה לִבְנִי מִבְּנוֹת הַכְּנַעֲנִי אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי יוֹשֵׁב בְּקִרְבּוֹ.” “I will cause you to swear in the name of Hashem, the G-d of heaven and earth that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of Kna’an among whom I dwell.” There are several difficulties with this pasuk. The first is that we must understand why Avraham is so insistent that Yitzchak marry a woman from Charan, Avraham’s home town, but not from Kna’an. The people in both places worshiped idols and were רשעים, wicked. In addition, later on in the Torah, when Yaakov is leaving home, Yitzchak gives him the same warning, that he must marry a woman from Charan, and not Kna’an. Considering that they are all idol worshipers, what is the great difference between the women in these two places?

In the fifth drasha of the Drashos Haran, the Ran offers an amazing principle to help us understand Avraham’s insistence that the mother of the Jewish nation be from Charan rather than Kna’an. He explains that תכונות רעות, bad character traits, like cruelty and nastiness, are passed on from generation to generation. A nation with a bad character can change its nature, but only with great effort. דעות רעות, false ideologies, however, are not passed down from generation to generation. The environment can have a significant influence on ideology, but each person must make his own decisions and think through various issues for himself. דעות רעות, false ideologies are, relative to character traits, a matter of בחירה, individual free choice.

Based on this principle, the Ran explains that Avraham knew that in finding a wife for Yitzchak he was building the Jewish nation. He therefore wanted to ensure that Yitzchak’s wife came from a nation, even if it was a nation of idol worshipers, which had good מדות, good character traits. The people in Kna’an were not only ideologically bad. They were also cruel and nasty people. The citizens of Charan, however, where Avraham grew up, were at least kind hearted. They had good character traits. Avraham, and later Yitzchak, were therefore very careful that their children marry women who, even if they came from idolatrous backgrounds, had a לב טוב, a good heart, so that the Jewish nation would be built on a foundation of good character traits, which are passed on throughout the generations.

Why was it so important that Yitzchak marry a woman with a לב טוב, a good heart? The Mishna in Avos (2:13) says the following: “אמר להם, צאו וראו איזו היא דרך טובה שידבק בה האדם. רבי אליעזר אומר, עין טובה; רבי יהושוע אומר, חבר טוב; רבי יוסי אומר, שכן טוב; רבי שמעון אומר, הרואה את הנולד; רבי אלעזר אומר, לב טוב. אמר להם, רואה אני את דברי אלעזר בן ערך מדבריכם, שבכלל דבריו דבריכם..” “[Rav Yochanan ben Zakai] said to [his students]: ‘Go and see which is the best path to which a person should cling.’ Rabi Eliezer says, ‘a good eye.’ Rabi Yehoshua says, ‘a good friend.’ Rabi Yossi says, ‘a good neighbor.’ Rabi Shimon says, ‘one who sees the future.’ Rabi Elazar [ben Aroch] says, ‘a good heart.’ He said to them, ‘To me, the words of Rabi Elazar ben Aroch are more correct than your words, because your words are included in his.’”

According to Rav Yochanan ben Zakai, the most important good mida is a לב טוב, a good heart, because it is the root and source for all of the other good character traits, תכונות טובות. This trait of having a לב טוב was therefore the trait Avraham sought for Yitzchak’s future wife.

But what is the source of a לב טוב, how does one acquire a good heart? According to the Ramchal, the Ramak, the Chovos Halevavos, and other seforim, the source of a good heart is the trait of ענוה, humility. When one is humble, and nullifies his “I,” his אנוכי, his ego, he can look out for others and their needs. If a person has humility, he sees beyond his own ד' אמות, his own person space and focuses on others and things greater than himself. This is the root of the לב טוב, the good heart.

Reb Simcha Bunim of Peshischa and other tzadikim explain Yaakov’s statement (Bereishis 28:16) “אָכֵן יֵשׁ ה' בַּמָּקוֹם הַזֶּה וְאָנֹכִי לֹא יָדָעְתִּי,” “indeed Hashem is in this place and I did not know it” in the following way: “Hashem is within me, but I did not know it because the “אנכי,” my ego caused me not to know it.” A person who is arrogant, who has an exaggerated sense of self cannot see G-d in his life. As the Gemara in Sota 5a says, “כל אדם שיש בו גסות הרוח אמר הקב"ה אין אני והוא יכולין לדור בעולם ,” Hashem says, with regard to every arrogant person, ‘Both he and I cannot live together in the same world.”

Avraham, in contrast, had no sense of ego. He said (Bereishis 18:27) “וְאָנֹכִי עָפָר וָאֵפֶר,” my sense of ego, my אנכי is nothing but dust and ashes. He knew that humility is the foundation of a לב טוב, a good heart. That is why he sought out a wife for Yitzchak with a kind hearted nature. Eliezer also internalized this message. When he came to Lavan and Besuel, he said (Bereishis 24:24) “עֶבֶד אַבְרָהָם אָנֹכִי,” “I am the servant of Avraham.” In other words, Eliezer was saying: “Before we begin, let me tell you the perspective from which this marriage is going to begin. I am not coming here for myself. My ‘I’ is merely a servant of Avraham, who himself is ‘עָפָר וָאֵפֶר,’ dust and ashes.

The Chasam Sofer asks why Avraham makes it a point to say that Yitzchak may not marry a woman from the Kna’anim, the Canaanites, “אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי יוֹשֵׁב בְּקִרְבּוֹ,” “among whom I dwell.” Didn’t Eliezer already know that he and Avraham both lived in Kna’an and therefore that they live among the Kna’anim? Why was it necessary for Avraham to say something so obvious? The Chasam Sofer offers one explanation, but according to what we have said, and the way the Drashos Haran explains Avraham’s intent, we can understand that Avraham was actually explaining to Eliezer why he was insistent that Yitzchak not marry a woman from Kna’an. He was explaining that the problem with Kna’an is that אנכי, egotism, a sense of “I,” dwells within the people of Kna’an. That is why they lack kindness, and why a woman from such a place is unfit to become the mother of the future Jewish nation.

There is a well known story about the Baal Hatanya and his grandson, the Tzemach Tzedek. At one point, the young Tzemach Tzedek knocked on the Baal Hatanya's door. When he asked who it was, his grandson said, “It’s me,” rather than “It’s Mendeleh” or the like. The Baal Hatanya felt that on his grandson’s level, there was too much ישות, too much “I” in the way his grandson said “It’s me.” He therefore sent him away to a certain place. There, no one knew him and he was not given the recognition of the son of a great Rebbe. He had nowhere to go, so he stayed with the other shleppers and poor people. At one point during the night, someone realized that his watch was stolen. Because the young Tzemach Tzedek was the only stranger there, he was accused of stealing the watch and the other beggars started beating him up. As they did so, he screamed out again and again, “It’s not me! It’s not me!” When he returned home later, his grandfather asked him, “Nu, Mendeleh, is it still you?” At that point, he answered, “No, no, it’s not me.”

As the pasuk in Devarim 5:5 says, “אָנֹכִי עֹמֵד בֵּין ה' וּבֵינֵיכֶם,” the אנכי, the ego is the main impediment that stands between a Jew and Hashem. Only a nation who nullifies its sense of אנכיות, its sense “I,” is it fit to receive the first of the עשרת הדברות, the Ten Commandments which begins “אנכי ה' אלקך,” “I am the L-rd your G-d.”

Yonatan (the Bar Mitzvah boy), I can think of no other trait that exemplifies your family more than the mida of ענוה, humility. From the first time I met them in my office four years ago when they were making the decision whether to move into the area or not, I was immediately struck by their humility. I told my wife that night that I thought that your family would be a wonderful addition to the community and indeed, we are so fortunate that you came.

The menahel of your yeshiva, Yonatan, is here and I know he will get nachas from what I am about to say. I recently spoke to your father and asked him how yeshiva is going. He said that it is wonderful, that the rebbeim are great, the boys are great, and that the teachers are great. I was waiting for the “but...” that usually follows such a positive opening. But there was none. He sees only the good. Later on, I also asked you how you liked yeshiva, and you said the same thing. Everything is wonderful, the people are great, your rebbeim are great. And also no “but...”

You are truly blessed to have parents who both have a לב טוב, a good heart, who see the good in others and help other people. Every day, your father is helping mend broken Jewish souls (he works as a Psychiatrist). May you always continue to have a לב טוב, and I give you a bracha that none of the cynicism of the world should ever touch you, and may we all merit to travel together to Yerushalayim with משיח צדקנו במהרה בימינו אמן!

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