tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post8240316171789312204..comments2024-01-25T09:26:15.915-05:00Comments on Dixie Yid: How to Keep One's Children on the DerechDixieYid (يهودي جنوبي)http://www.blogger.com/profile/03713423988723533390noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-61693722716847282332008-05-11T16:22:00.000-04:002008-05-11T16:22:00.000-04:00Yitz,In regard to what you said about these decisi...Yitz,<BR/><BR/>In regard to what you said about these decisions being dependant on the personality of the the children, that was exactly my point. Like I said in the comment right before yours, "there's a "risk/reward analysis" that has to go into each minute decision, and that was what I was getting at as well."<BR/><BR/>I'm focusing on children who currently view having kiddush or doing other mitzvos as a treat. In general, I want to take advantage of every opportunity to allow my children to have joy in doing mitzvos and I don't like to take away such opportunities as a punishment, if it can be helped. I see it as showing the chashivus of mitzvos even more because I'm making the choice that I do since I vew "snacks" as more expendable, and I'd rather use them as leverage and have the child lose the snack if necessary. Whereas, mitzvos are so precious so I would rather not make the child lose that unless it's REALLY necessary. <BR/><BR/>But you're right that it depends on the effect the particular choice would have on the particular child.<BR/><BR/>-Dixie YidDixieYid (يهودي جنوبي)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03713423988723533390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-72652088817846011892008-05-11T05:19:00.000-04:002008-05-11T05:19:00.000-04:00@DY,question: you mentioned punishing a child with...@DY,<BR/><BR/>question: you mentioned punishing a child with a snack rather than with absenting them from kiddush, perhaps i misunderstood?<BR/><BR/>If you take away the mitzwah from them, acting like the snack isn't of any real value, doesn't that more enforce the value and precious nature of mitzwoth? <BR/><BR/>I'm not asking from a place of knowing the answer, i'm curious, and since i'm only starting out on the road of parenthood, i've got a lot to learn (including apparently the Degel Mahaneh Ephraim:))<BR/><BR/>On the one hand, using not doing the mitzwoth as a means of punishment can undermine itself if they choose to stubbornly not care about the mitzwoth.. on the other hand, if everyone else gets to be involved in the mitzwah, they will want to be involved and learn not to exclude themselves again...<BR/><BR/>it seems like the decision is entirely dependent on the personality of the child in question.yitzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05866660855678077639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-9943694503603267152008-05-01T11:36:00.000-04:002008-05-01T11:36:00.000-04:00Anon,Ageed. I agree with your bottom line because ...Anon,<BR/><BR/>Ageed. I agree with your bottom line because that was the purpose of my post as well. You can't just be short-sighted and look only to the short-term halacha observance. But you also have to look at how enforcement in the short-term will affect long-term attitudes towards Yiddishkeit. That was the purpose of my example about whether or not to make a child daven. You have to see whether that's something that your chilid will do when told with a critical mass of tzu-freiden-keit (happiness), or CV"Sh the opposite. Right now, B"H, even when my children don't daven in the morning on their own, if I ask them too, it's no big deal. But I'm prepared for the possibility that if it would come down to it, I would rather she not daven fora period of time than develop a resentment toward davening by being forced to do so.<BR/><BR/>A Rav I know, who wishes to remain anonymous, has a son who recently made a siyum on all of Shas at eighteen years of age. He told me privately that this boy didn't even go to Shul at all until he was 13, and he never forced him too. He gave him the space to step up to that plate when he (the son) was ready for it.<BR/><BR/>You're right that there's a "risk/reward analysis" that has to go into each minute decision, and that was what I was getting at as well. Tizku l'mitzvos!<BR/><BR/>-Dixie YidDixieYid (يهودي جنوبي)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03713423988723533390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-22454040606492873562008-05-01T11:12:00.000-04:002008-05-01T11:12:00.000-04:00IMHO, even if one has in mind that the tachlis is ...IMHO, even if one has in mind that the tachlis is to keep one's children on the derech, there is still a trade-off of risk versus reward that requires some careful consideration.<BR/><BR/>For example, let's say you see your teenage son eating a food with a questionable hechsher, because he saw some of his friends eating it. On the one hand, if you tell him to not eat that food, you risk encouraging him to rebel in the future. On the other hand, if you don't say anything, he may become lax in kashrus.<BR/><BR/>I don't know if I explained my point so clearly. But, the bottom line is that even when the goal is to encourage yiras shomayim in ones children, one still has to choose one's battles.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-19430256592696854672008-05-01T09:25:00.000-04:002008-05-01T09:25:00.000-04:00I don't know of any particular reason other than t...I don't know of any particular reason other than the fact that Rebbe Yisroel of Ruzhin said so. He certainly must have had his reasons and A Simple Jew is certainly not going to argue with him.<BR/><BR/>While many seforim are noted to be segulos for things like yiras shamayim, it is indeed interesting that Degel Machaneh Ephaim is connected to raising good children.A Simple Jewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04158902792838896670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-33596937720412521002008-05-01T08:38:00.000-04:002008-05-01T08:38:00.000-04:00Well then I guess I better start learning Degel Ma...Well then I guess I better start learning Degel Machaneh Ephraim! Is there a reason given, by the way, or a sevorah for the connection between raising good children and learning the Degel?<BR/><BR/>-Dixie YidDixieYid (يهودي جنوبي)https://www.blogger.com/profile/03713423988723533390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2606399196932045640.post-53626311804172644722008-05-01T08:10:00.000-04:002008-05-01T08:10:00.000-04:00Excellent posting my friend! By the way, perhaps y...Excellent posting my friend! By the way, perhaps you might be interested to see <A HREF="http://asimplejew.blogspot.com/2007/01/segula-for-good-children.html" REL="nofollow">this.</A> [if you haven't already]A Simple Jewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04158902792838896670noreply@blogger.com