Why Do Some Who Commit To Making Aliya Ultimately Not Succeed?

I wrote once about how Rav Weinberger taught that when you make an absolute decision to do something, even when it's not within your actual abilities to do it, Hashem gives you the kochos you need to succeed.

I was thinking about how this applies to aliya. I know there are many people who make aliya who don't succeed there and either return after a couple of years or have major problems there, such as when their children do not stay on the derech to one extent or another. If people make a real decision to uproot their lives to fulfill mitzvas yishuv ha'aretz, why do some people seem to not get the kochos they need to be matzliach there?

You could answer that the people who are ultimately unsuccessful in staying in Israel did not make an "absolute" decision to make aliya, but rather had it in the back of their minds that they could always come back to America if it didn't work out. If this is the case, then you could attribute the fact that Hashem didn't give them the kochos to succeed to the fact that they did not make the absolute commitment to make aliya to begin with.

It's probably true that this is the case for many people. But I would also wager that many people who do go with the 100% intent to stay are also unsuccessful. How can this be explained?

And in general, people often decide to do various mitzvos or take on madreigos in avodas Hashem that ultimately don't work out. How can this be?

I was thinking that perhaps the way to distinguish between "hachlatos," absolute decisions that will be supported by Divine brachos for success and those decisions that will not be blessed with success is based on Ratzon Hashem. The blessing for success, the giving of the kochos for success based on an absolute decision to take something on may be contingent on the thing one decides to do being ratzon Hashem to begin with.

Perhaps some people who are not successful in the end in making aliya or taking on some madreiga were unable to make an objective assessment about whether that move is what Hashem wanted of them at that particular time. Of course everything that happened in the past is ratzon Hashem in the sense that it was hashgacha pratis that whatever happened, happened that way for a reason. But mitzad the person's perspective, perhaps if one takes on something that is inn appropriate for him for some reason, that decision will not be supported by the Divine Assistance that one who makes an absolute decision to do something that is right for him will be met with.

For instance, maybe someone's not on the level of emunah as a general matter to rely on Hashem for his parnasa if a job is not already lined up for him before he moves. Or maybe one made the decision to make aliya without properly considering whether his teenage children could adjust in a healthy way to the new culture and language. I could never speak about the emes of any particular individuals situation, but if this were the case and one decided to do mitzvas yishuv ha'aretz without fully considering whether it was really ratzon Hashem for him to do so, then perhaps that Divine koach to succeed will not be given.

This is a musing and not a final opinion of mine, and I would certainly be interested in others' thoughts...

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How We All Have Access to the Good in Tisha B'Av

Usually, it is appropriate to see everything in clear categories. We fast and are only sad on fast days. We rejoice on holidays. Some times of the year have a more open double nature, like Rosh Hashana, which is both the day of judgment and a "Yuntif" at the same time.

But "kol ma d'avid rachmana, l'tav avid," everything Hashem made, He made for good." That means that even fast days where we try to do teshuva for the sins we commit that continue the sins of our ancestors, area really all good.

Rebbe Akiva saw the good that was already hidden in tragedy when he laughed with joy when he saw the fox emerging from the Kodesh Hakodoshim, but almost no one is on that level. But this year on Tisha B'Av, we will all be permitted to see the good in Tisha B'Av. When we refrain from saying Tachanun, we affirm that even now, we all have the ability to see the oneness, the unity, the goodness, even in the most horrible things.

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Running After the Emptiness of the World and Becoming Empty

During this past weeks Haftarah, I was struck once again by the powerful words of the Navi Yirmiyahu (2:5), "וַיֵּלְכוּ אַחֲרֵי הַהֶבֶל, וַיֶּהְבָּלוּ," "that they have gone after emptiness and become empty."

It made me think of the powerful mashal in the old Greek myth about the Sirens. For those of you who are not familiar with it, the Greeks had a myth that sailors would hear the sound of beautiful women singing near certain islands at sea. They would be so drawn by the beauty of their voices that they would drive the ship in the direction of the voices where they would inevitably crash on the rocks from which the Sirens were singing. Ironically though, the Siren's weren't even women. They were strange birds with the heads of women that waited on the rocks, just to lure sailors to their deaths trying to reach them.

It wasn't bad enough that the sailors would be lured to their deaths in search of these beautiful Sirens. The beautiful women that they sought were not even beautiful women at all. Rather, they were merely strange, ugly creatures that were part bird and part human. They ended up not only destroying themselves, but destroying themselves for nothing, for an illusion of beauty.

It is the same with aveira and ta'ava. The things we desire seem so beautiful and enticing. But the reality is that not only do those pleasures destroy those who run after them, which most of us already know, but those Siren songs are absolute emptiness. There is nothing on the other side worth chasing after. It's all illusion, dimyon, and fantasy. None of it is real.

Especially in this time of the three weeks, may you and I become fully conscious of the fact that if we choose to go after the emptiness of this world, which is both false and destructive, we empty ourselves of everything good.

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Are Human Beings Different From Animals?

In Tennessee, there is a charity called The Elephant Sanctuary. Elephants that are treated badly or are unwanted by circuses around the country may find themselves a home at the sanctuary. They have 2,700 acres of property to frolic on and they have people from all over the world pouring money into this charity to help out these elephants who have no where safe to live after "retiring" from the circus or whatever their previous owner was. You can see live video from the sanctuary and read profiles of each of the human-like named elephants currently residing there here.

I'm going to venture something harsh sounding here. Wouldn't it be a better use of society's resources if these elephants were painlessly put to sleep when they "retire"? Then all of these millions of dollars a year from all over the world could be directed to helping human beings! Think of what a difference such resources could be to those being killed in Darfur or for housing for the poor. I certainly wouldn't expect the general population of the world to help out Chabad in Mumbai or Partners in Torah. But people could at least use their resources to do something to really help human beings that are suffering, like KickStart.org's project to distribute human powered micro-irrigation pumps to small-time poor African farmers.

I think the root of the problem is not merely a matter of how people allocate their resources. I think it comes down to a basic confusion as to the difference between human beings and animals. It is honestly not clear to people that animals are any less worthy of help or support than other human beings are.

But why is it that there is such a confusion about the difference between what a human being is and what an animal is? I think it comes down to the fact that the secular world has begun to view the world in the mistaken way that Shlomo Hamelech summed up this way in Koheles 3:19: "כִּי מִקְרֶה בְנֵי-הָאָדָם וּמִקְרֶה הַבְּהֵמָה, וּמִקְרֶה אֶחָד לָהֶם--כְּמוֹת זֶה כֵּן מוֹת זֶה, וְרוּחַ אֶחָד לַכֹּל; וּמוֹתַר הָאָדָם מִן-הַבְּהֵמָה אָיִן, כִּי הַכֹּל הָבֶל." "That which happens to man happens to animals. There is one end to both. As is one, so is the other. Everything is of one spirit, and any advantage of man over animals is nil because everything is vanity."

At the beginning of the sefer, Shlomo Hamelech clarifies man's superiority over animals is an illusion. In Koheles 1:3, he specifies, "מַה-יִּתְרוֹן, לָאָדָם: בְּכָל-עֲמָלוֹ--שֶׁיַּעֲמֹל, תַּחַת הַשָּׁמֶשׁ," "What advantage is there to man with all of his toil under the sun!" The meforshim clarify that this means the vanity that Koheles refers to is man's labor under the sun, beneath and without the light of Torah. That is vanity. Therefore, we can also understand the type of vanity that Shlomo Hamelech is referring to in 3:19. He's teachings us that there is no real difference between man and animals in the world of "under the sun," in the case of physical life without the light of the Torah. However, with a life infused with Torah, when physical life is a dira b'tachtonim, a dwelling place for the Divine, then there is a universe of a difference between man and animals.

In today's day and age where humans are made more animal-like (think Darwinism and the determinism implied be genetic pre-dispositions), it is little wonder that animals are humanized, and the line between them is blurred. Rav Klonymous Kalmish Shapiro, the Piaczena Rebbe, wrote about a related topic in a piece in Mevo Hashearim that I referenced here. He pointed out there that people are able to believe in a lack of free will because of their confusion between animals and people. When people are merely glorified versions of animals in their eyes, there's no reason why we shouldn't think that we lack free will just as the animals lack free will.

People feel very good about themselves for seeing the "humanity" in animals. But what they are really doing by having this attitude is dehumanizing humans. When there is little difference between mankind and animals, very little is expected from human beings, since the expectations for ourselves as people are influenced by our perception that we are little more than animals. This can be very liberating for those who are sub-consciously looking for an escape from the responsibility of true, elevated humanity.

May we all merit to see the true value of humanity and our lofty potential for spirituality when we connect to the world of "above the sun"!

-Dixie Yid

(Picture of Barbara [and other elephants like Sissy, Winkie and Tarra] courtesy of The Elephant Sanctuary)

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The Freedom of Shabbos' Restrictions

I had a hargasha, a feeling, during Shalosh Sheudos which I wanted to share. No chiddushim. I just had a feeling of really understanding on a deeper level what the Mishna in Pirkei Avos 6:2 meant when it said "שאין לך בן חורין אלא מי שעוסק בתלמוד תורה," There is no greater free man than one who is engaged in learning Torah."

I was just thinking at Shalosh Sheudos how sad it is that Shabbos was about to end, and the battle would begin again. I realized that once all of the prohibitions of Shabbos are lifted, I would be "free" again to do all of the things needed for worldly life. And when you're "free" do those things, really you have to do them, since there's no excuse not to.

However, on Shabbos when we have no choice but to abstain from those worldly pursuits, the Yetzer Hara loses it's excuse to make us do things which take us away from Him. When I can do those weekday things, then I can't not do them. But on Shabbos, when I can't do them, it is such a liberating feeling to be free of it all. That's why the restrictions of Shabbos are such a breath of fresh air.

It almost feels like the teenager who doesn't really want to do drugs who feels liberated to have the excuse to tell his friends that his parents would just kill him if he did it. The restrictions of the parents aren't really restrictions at all. They allow him the liberty of giving the restrictions as the excuse for why he can't be a servant of his friends expectations of him.

The truth is that the higher level a person is on, the more Shabbos will infuse him with that freedom the rest of the week. The more a person internalizes the feeling of those restrictions that apply during the rest of the week, they become his excuse and his reason to be free of those desires, needs and distractions that pull him away from Hashem the rest of the week.

Oy Shabbos! What a mechaya! (breath of fresh air) Halevai (would that) we will all soon be in that state of Yom shekulo Shabbos, in the days which are totally Shabbos forever and ever!

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of blindmonkey)

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The Main Thing, He Said...

"The main thing is not just to learn about serving Hashem with your intellect but it should infuse the very essence of your being," he said cerebrally.

-Dixie Yid

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The Maintenence Theory of How to Stay On the Derech

Little Frumhouse on the Praire wrote a follow-up post, responding to my post on why people go off the derech. Now, she has honed her presentation of that theory.

CLICK HERE to read her new post on the subject. Although I think that Rabbi Maryles and I were mainly discussing why FFBs (those who were raised frum) sometimes go off the derech, Frumhouse is primarily discussing an equally important point, i.e. why Baalei Teshuva sometimes revert back to their old ways.

-Dixie Yid

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Where to Focus When Adults Go Off the Derech

I read Rabbi Harry Maryles' post at Emes V'Emunah yesterday about adults who go off the derech. K'darko bakodesh, Rabbi Maryles focuses on the valid problems within the frum community as reasons for this happening, when it does. However, when we have negative experiences with other frum Jews, we, as individuals, must look to ourselves, rather than at others when "deciding" to keep or abandon frumkeit.

I have noticed a common personality trait in the majority of the few adults that I have known who have become "less frum." That trait is negativity. And it shows its self long before it manifests its self in lower levels of observance. Some people have a personality whereby they seem to have a reverse-Azamra personality. They seem to see the negativity and the cynical side in anything and anyone.

I first met one friend of mine, who is slowly sliding in that direction, by the washing station on the way into davening one time on Shabbos. In his very first words to me, he commented to me that he thought the Shul was transgressing lifnei iver, causing people to sin, by having a washing station faucet that could give both hot and cold water, even on Shabbos. He's a nice guy but ever since that time, I have consistently noticed this trait in him showing its self again and again.

I think when someone always sees the negative side of things, they are much more turned off than others would be when they experience actual or perceived slights coming from other frum people. Over time, this leads to a greater cynicism toward Yiddishkeit its self. Since, in such people's minds, Yiddishkeit has produced the negativity that they always see in others, Yiddishkeit must be defective too.

While we should recognize and correct our own negative traits that hurt other people, we should not lose focus on the internal midos of those people who are prone to go "off the derech." Just as we do our community a disservice if we ignore our own faults that drive people away, we do also those people a disservice as well if we validate their false belief that their decision to leave the path is only due to "other people's problems," but not due to their own internal faults.

IY"H, we should see the time soon where we are zocheh to all correct our faults and when we only make a Kiddush Hashem to ourselves and to others, b'vias Goel Tzedek bimeheira veyameinu.

UPDATE: See also, Little Frumhouse on the Praire's very poignant response to Rabbi Maryles' and my posts on this subject.

-Dixie Yid

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What Causes Kids to Go Off the Derech - Interesting Op Ed

In this opinion piece in the Jerusalem Post newspaper, forwarded to me by my wife's uncle, focuses on the pressing problem of too many frum kids going "off the derech," leaving the path of observance.

R' Boteach's main theory as to why so many kids go "off the derech" is the absentee parenting that he says is very prevelent in frum homes. He focuses mostly on Chabad Shluchim, but the same can be said about most frum homes in major metropolitan areas. Parents (especially fathers) are out of the house most nights of the week giving or attending shiurim, attending Smachos, learning or working late. Even on Shabbos, he points out that children don't sit with their parents in Shul, but rather go to youth groups instead.

My rebbe has also commented that it is deterimental to our homes that parents are busy going to simchas, parlor meetings, shiurim, etc. every night and aren't ever home with their children at night.

It is a difficult problem. Men must often work late even just to get by financially in major metro areas, which are expensive to live in. They are also obligated to learn Torah, and therefore can't spend all their evenings at home with the family as this would be bitul Torah. There are many challenges and it's difficult to know the right balance.

Right now, the only way we can balance this problem in my family is that although I am almost never home until after the kids go to sleep at night due to law school (and when I graduate, that will probably continue due to law firm hours), I am able to come home after learning in the mornings to spend 45 minutes or so with the kids helping them get ready for school, before I head out to daven Shacharis.

Any other ideas on how to balance family with communal/personal goals/responsibilities so as to avoid neglecting our families and Ch"VSh creating our own "kids at risk?"

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of Soda Head)

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Memo From THE Managing Partner re Billable Hours

From: THE Managing Partner

To: All Associates

Re: Billable Hours

Dear Associates:

It has come to My attention that we have not yet reached full complience with My last memo, issued in 1313 BCE. Therefore, I want to institute a billable hours system, similar to the system used by law firms. I have observed that associates in law firms with an annual billable hour requirement for bonuses and partnership-track-advancement use every second in order to work for their clients so that they can bill the time.

In order to be able to bill enough hours to get their bonuses, law firm associates work on the train, on planes, they think about their client's case on the way to the restroom, they stop going out to lunch and many other innovative ways to maximize their time, and thus, their billable hours.

It stands to reason that if more of My associates would adopt this approach, that spiritual productivity and profits would be up significantly. If everyone took the "billable hours" approach to their service in My firm, it would be a much better place.

So I encourage all of My associates to do Shnayim Mikrah on the train, listen to Daf Yomi in your mp3 player, and the like, mentally review the morning's (or the night's sugya on the way to the bathroom [but not in it!]) and work nights and weekends as well to build up your billables.

I look forward to seeing the results of this new aproach.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of futureofthebook)

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Keeping My Head on Straight When Applying for Summer Associateships

I'm in the process now of seeking out and applying for summer associateships for next summer as part of my law school's fall recruitment program. That's with the goal in mind of ultimately finding a firm to work in once I finish law school. With all of this going on, it's hard to get a proper perspective on reality. Unfortunately, many of the things that I've hard are required to do well in law firm life, long term, lead to a mindset of mochin d'katnus, small mindedness.

I know that this idea is the opposite of what most people think. What could be better than being a "rainmaker" in a big firm, spending hours at ballgames, golf courses, or Nicks' games with clients worth millions of dollars, and which could bring millions of dollars in legal fees into the firm, all thanks to you!? Hey, the small timers deal with small clients, small cases & small courts. But the "big firms" deal with "big" clients, "big" deals and "big" courts. The problem is that the more I or we get caught up in the "big" things of this world, we start to think of them as truly the big and important things of the world, and forget about the fact that they are meaningless in reality.

Whether we work on "small things" in this world or the "big, important" things, why should we be doing them? Because they are big or important things, inherently? No. They aren't. Rather, we only do it because it is Hashem's will. I must remember that whether I'm writing a Legal Memorandum for an attorney in a case where $5,000 is on the line, or $5,000,000 is on the line, I must do a good job because it is the Ratzon Hashem, Hashem's will, to do the right thing and make a kidush Hashem by doing excellent work.

But if I ever end up doing these "big" things, and thinking of only them as "big" and feeling big and important because of the job I have or am doing, I must remember that this is the biggest mochin d'katnus, small mindedness that I could fall into, R"L.

In parshas Matos, we read that the people of Gad & Reuven had much wealth in the form of cattle and told Moshe (Bamidbar 32:16) that they would "גִּדְרֹת צֹאן נִבְנֶה לְמִקְנֵנוּ פֹּה, וְעָרִים, לְטַפֵּנוּ," build pens for their sheep and cities for their children." It is well known that Moshe rebuked them for their bad order of priorities, since they placed their sheep (their wealth) before their children in telling Moshe what they would do before coming to help the rest of the Jewish people conquor the land of Israel. Therefore Moshe told them (id. at 24)"בְּנוּ-לָכֶם עָרִים לְטַפְּכֶם, וּגְדֵרֹת לְצֹנַאֲכֶם." "[First] build cities for your children [and then] pens for your sheep."

Similarly, the Gemara in Bava Basra 10b tells the following story: "יוסף בריה דר' יהושע חלש אינגיד א"ל אבוה מאי חזית א"ל עולם הפוך ראיתי עליונים למטה ותחתונים למעלה א"ל עולם ברור ראית." "Yosef, the son of Rebbe Yehoshua [had a near death experience]. His father said to him, 'What did you see?' He said, 'I saw an upside-down world. Those who are high were down low and those who are low, were up high.' He said to him, 'You have seen a clear world.'"

The light of this world's brightest and most important-seeming things have the strongest ability to blind us from our own knowledge of the truly important things in life and turn our sense of our priorities upside-down. May Hashem help me and others keep our propper perspective in life and recognize the things of this world as the small things that they are. May he help us do our best to do an excellent job in them despite our consciousness of them being small things, while having in mind that we are doing so because it is the Ratzon Hashem, Hashem's will.
-Dixie Yid

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Graphic Display of Most Common Words on Dixie Yid

Here are the words in Dixie Yid, with the most common words being larger, courtesy of Wordle. Saw this at Call Me Chavivah, a growing giores. Click on the picture to enlarge. :-)

-Dixie Yid

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What Comes First? Sin or Theological Change?

At the end of Parshas Balak, Bamidbar 25:1-2, the pasuk says "וַיָּחֶל הָעָם, לִזְנוֹת אֶל-בְּנוֹת מוֹאָב. ב וַתִּקְרֶאןָ לָעָם, לְזִבְחֵי אֱלֹהֵיהֶן וַיֹּאכַל הָעָם, וַיִּשְׁתַּחֲווּ לֵאלֹהֵיהֶן." "Yisroel settled in Shittim and the people [of Yisroel] began acting promiscuously with the daughters of Moav. They [girls of Moav] invited the people [of Yisroel] to their idolatrous sacrifices; and the people ate and prostrated themselves before their gods." (translation courtesy of Tachash.org) Here's my question. Why does the Torah say that the Jewish people first had illicit relations with the Moavi girls and only later worshiped their idols? If they believed in Hashem, how could they sin with those women? Shouldn't it have said that they worshiped the idols first, which would have given them the theological permission slip to sin with the daughters of Moav afterwards?

It's probably not a chidush, a novel idea, to say that it almost always works in the oposite order of what my question would suggest. We don't sin because of an intellectual or theological conviction that what we want to do is alright. We just sin because we are weak and give into our ta'avos, desires. The theological changes, intellectual realizations and religious rationalizations only come along later as our way of making ourselves feel less guilty for what we have done. Therefore, the pasuk says that they first indulged their Yetzer Haras, their evil inclination, and then only afterwards worshiped the idols as a way of rationalizing their actions to alleviate the sense of cognative dissonance.

After an aveira, we have two choices. Either change our definition of what an aveira is so as to redefine what we've done as a non-sin, or preferably a mitzva. Or we can choose the harder path of recognizing that what we did is wrong and work to correct it for the future. Sometimes, it may seem too difficult to change at the present time. And this is when it is especially tempting to redraw the lines to allow ourselves to believe that what we have done and want to continue doing is permitted or obligatory even. However, it is at a time like that when it's better to say to one's self:

"I know that this is wrong and I admit it. I am sorry for it, but right now I don't feel that I have the stregth to overcome this right now. B'Ezras Hashem, with G-d's help, I will get to changing this in the future. In the mean time, I will change the more managable things in my life first. But I will not rationalize my sins and convince myself that they are permitted. This would take away all hope of tikun, of repair from my life so I will remain honest with myself about what's really right and what's really wrong. Hashem, please help me continue acknowledging what's truly right and live up to that standard one day..."

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of Rembrandt)

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Should One Try to Go to Kivrei Tzadkim if He Doesn't Feel Drawn To?

Over Shabbos, a Tzadik friend of mine asked me if I wanted to go with him to the "Ohel" of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, zt"l, for his 14th Yohrtzeit. It was a sweet offer, but I declined, since I don't usually go to Kivrei Tzadikim.

A Simple Jew and I were e-talking about this topic, and I pointed out that, in general, I am not drawn to go to Kivrei Tzadkim to daven. I know there's an inyan to do so, but does this mean that one should go out of their way to do so, even without feeling internally compelled?

More generally, there are many practices which are not required halachically, but are good for the person. I, like perhaps others, feel connected and drawn to do some of these things. But there are others that I do not feel drawn to do, for the most part. For instance, it's very good to say Tehillim daily and daven by Kivrei Tzadkim, but these are two things that I'm not naturally inclined to do. Should I see this as a sign that this is not an avodah that my neshama is connected to? Or should I see it as something that I should get myself to do at least once in a while? Any thoughts?

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of Letters of Thought)

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Our Homes and Our Schools Can't Be "Rebbe Factories"

The above picture that I took while driving recently, with some help from an e-conversation with Neil from Modern Uberdox and Mentch Israel, reminded me neither we as parents nor our schools can be "Rebbe Factories," producing identical "perfect tzadik" children. Each child has different skills, talents, and personality traits that require a different approach. We and our schools need to be flexible enough to realize that Hashem may not have the same plans for what kind of Yiddin our children will become as we do. So we must constantly adapt according to His plans.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of Me)

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Too Bad I Got My Hybrid Before Solar Powered Air Conditioning Came Out!

Too bad I got my Toyota Prius before the solar powered one came out. I lose 4-5 miles per gallon off the gas mileage due to air conditioning use this time of year. But it sounds like this one gets up to 70 mpg for real, not the EPA estimate. That's about 40-45 more than I get with a regular Prius now. Not sure it's worth an extra $4500 though... Perhaps it is. But even with what I have, the mileage is still much better with gas prices as bad as they are. Gotta send those Yiddishe kinder to school somehow!

-Dixie Yid

HT to Jewish Blogmeister

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The Whole World Was Created for My Sake - What Does This Mean to Me?

Guest Post by Lazer Herson, from our Dixie Yid reader's Yeshiva Bochurim division:

I recently took part in a discussion, where the main topic was the Mishnah in Sanhedrin that "Kol Echad V'Echad Chayav Lomar: Beshvili Nivrah Ha'olam" - Every person is obligated to consider himself as the Raison d'Être of the universe. In that discussion, each person advocated his personal take on the mishna. As always - two Jews, three opinions. Some interpretations included:

-Every person has to have a "personal G-D". That is the meaning of "world" in this context.
-Or: Every person must realize that G-D created this world for his pleasure. Ma Rabu Ma'asecha Hashem... etc...
-Or: Purely egotistical. I rule. You have to get out of MY way.
-Or: It is meant to serve as an ego boost when you are feeling blue. On the flip side, one must also keep in mind that: "Ani Afar V'Efer" - I am nothing but dust and ashes in the grand scheme of things.
-Or: the Gemara's take on B'Shvili; Namely, that every man is a potential progenitor of the entire world, he is therefore the equivalent of an entire world.
-Or: The preferred explanation of my teachers: The shirt I am wearing, the table I am sitting at, and the computer I am using, all were created for me to use to better serve G-D.

Now, it may be just because I heard it from my teachers, but I have a problem with the last explanation: It explains why MY shirt, table, and PC were created, but what about YOURS? Where do they fit in? How do they better enable ME to serve G-D? Do they serve no purpose?

Also, it explains where tangible objects fit in, but what about the intangible? Going by Ha'olam, meaning the WHOLE world, how do the 2008 elections help? A conversation YOU had with YOUR friend? And even more importantly: YOU!! Why were YOU created? If I never meet you, and you have zero effect on my life, what purpose do you serve in this "master plan"??

Thinking about all this, I came up with a slight variation on the theme. Try this one on for size!

Maybe.... Just maybe, the world was created and Adam and Chava placed within it. They had children who had children who had children... etc.... Every event that ever took place was ordained, every encounter pre-conceived, and every life course was mapped out, all that two people should meet, get married, and have a child.

Me.

And every human and non-human event, encounter, discovery, sight, etc.. were all put into place to shape my enviroment, friends and family, all to enable me to become a better me!

Just think about the implications!

That conversation that you had with a friend, was to cause someone else to say something to me, and shape MY life! And it can be even more indirect! Think "butterfly effect", where a butterfly in Brazil flaps its wings and causes a tornado in Texas. Think Ian Malcolm's Jurassic Park, or Ray Bradburys The Sound of Thunder!

On the flip side: Think about the *responsibility* involved in this. G-D created this whole world *just for me*. How can I NOT accomplish what I am meant to? What possible excuse is there for not fulfilling my potential????? I'm no longer insignificant me! No longer do I have the *right* to fail! If I'm the linchpin in this whole Dira B'Tachtonim thing, who am I to disregard my divine mission? Are you going to turn your back on 5768 years? On countless people, animals, events, conversations, and wars? Try telling the Dor Hamidbar that they left Eygpt and trekked through the desert needlessly! Try telling the Marranos that their fight was for naught! Try telling any Holocaust survivor you know, that he lived for nothing! See what kind of reaction you get!

There is another element here: Caring. G-D caring. If G-D went through all this effort to set you up in the ideal position to fulfill your mission, you think he isn't watching with bated breath? You don't think he knows and cares about every little move you make?

If you feel all three elements of: Privilege, Responsibilty, and G-D's Love for You, then, in my opinion, you are good to go.

I just wish it was as easy to feel as it is to write....

(Picture courtesy of battin)

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Why the Preoccupation with Food/Eating?

I received an e-mail the other day from a woman who reported to me that she had attended a women's event in her Shul and that everyone had a great time. The Rebbetzin's speech was enjoyed by all. But she was a little upset about the fact that virtually all conversations (about 95%) for the entire evening revolved around two topics; Food/recipies and Weight Watchers/Points. Both topics are related to concerns about physical beauty and it's relationship to eating, or to actual eating. Now I know that men have their own mishigas'n, nonsense, which could be as bad or worse than what the ladies chat about when they get together. Whether it's sports or work, or whatever, we have our own issues. But right now I'm curious about this phenomenon by the Yiddisheh Veiber, our heiligeh Yiddisher Tochter, Jewish ladies.

How common is this phenomenon?

What's the reason for this preoccupation?

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of enterstageright.com)

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What Is It With These Products With Yetzer Hara-dik names?!

First there was Zima, lasciviousness.

Now Pepsi's has a new drink called Ta'ava!

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of brandchannel.com)

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How to Keep One's Children on the Derech

I have one Briach Hatichon, one unifying factor, behind virtually every detail of every decision involved in raising my children, from the "big decisions" to the "little decisions" like how to speak or how to discipline in dozens of situations each day. This is that live with the reality there is no guarantee that my children, like many other children in the frum community, will decide to remain frum in their teenage or adult years. Therefore, I am always mindful, when deciding how to do anything involved in parenting, of the ever-present question, "Will doing this make my children more or less likely to stay on the derech?"

You may be screaming at your monitor: Dixie Yid! I am surprised at you! Shouldn't there be a little bit more to the Meleches Hashem, G-d's work, of parenting, than doing so based on merely trying keep your kids frum?! Isn't that setting the bar kind of low? What about shooting for something higher? For instance, shouldn't you be trying to raise your kids to big ovdei Hashem, Talmidei Chachamim, Bnos Torah and Bnos aliya?! Raise your kids to be big ba'alei Avodah! Why settle for constantly focusing on just avoiding something bad? Explain yourself Dixie Yid!

Dixie Yid responds: Dear reader, your assumptions are wrong! If you think there's any other way to keep your kids frum at all other than shooting for the stars in Avodas Hashem, then you're making a big mistake. As I see it, the only way my children will stay on the Derech is if they see that living Yiddishkeit is, by far, the best way to live. If you think that there even exists a way to ensure that one's children will just stay "regular frum," then you're in for a big surprise. If you shoot for the starts, with Hashem's help, your children will choose to continue being frum and hopefully much more than "just frum."

From my daily interactions with my kids, I want them to see that I love them and that there's nothing I'd rather do more than things in Yiddishkeit. As the Aish Kodesh says in Chovas Hatalmidim, the soul of a human being craves excitement. And that desire will be fulfilled. The soul cannot tolerate a vacuum, so that desire for excitement will be satisfied. If I can create an environment for my children whereby they have the greatest chance of seeing that the excitement and fulfillment their souls desire through Yiddishkeit, then IY"H, they'll seek it there.

However, if my children see that excitement is to be found at ball games, in front of a TV screen, at concerts, theaters, shopping malls or furniture stores, then even if I'm frum, they will seek their soul's excitement through things other than Yiddishkeit. And then, frumkeit will seem like an afterthought at best, only observed out of guilt, at best, or an unwanted burden to be cast off as soon as feasible, at worst.

This plays its self out not only in "big" ways, like I've been talking about in the last two paragraphs, but also in small things. If I have a choice between taking away a snack, or taking away a child's participation in kiddush, or the Shabbos seuda, as a consequence for some infraction, I choose the snack. Or if I'm considering whether or not to force, by threat of punishment, some mitzvah, like davening, on one of my children, I'd rather choose to let my child forgo the davening for the time being (even a long time being) rather than have such unpleasant feelings become associated with davening.

There are no guarantees with one's children. Raising them to Torah requires great care and a lot of davening.

May Hashem help that my, and all of Klal Yisroel's children, will find their excitement in Avodas Hashem and stay on and grow in Avoad Hashem ad bias Goel Tzedek Bimeheira Biyameinu.

-Dixie Yid

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