Video Illustration of Hero Story Cycle and How this applies to Us

 

 

This video explains the "hero" story cycle. It appears in movies, books, and stories. People love to hear these stories told again and again in different ways. As the creator of this video points out, these stories resonate because we recognize that the stories reflect our own lives. I wrote about this in two of my first 6 blog posts here and here.  On one hand, we like reading/watching/hearing these stories because by vicariously living the hero's quest, we fulfill the need to be victorious over evil and absolve ourselves of the need to do it in real life, with our own inner "monsters." On the other hand, we can use these stories as a reminder that it's time to stop hearing about others overcoming great odds and becoming greater and do it in our own lives.

 

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From Uman to Manhattan - Going from the Sefer to the City

Sorry for not being more active recently. As my readers know, I am soon joining the world of "Biglaw". You also know that I am leaving for Uman today.

B"H I have received many many names from Jews (and even a Ben Noach) all over the world in the comments of my previous post and by e-mail. IY"H, BL"N, I will have you all in mind when I say the Tikun Klali and give tzedaka by Rebbe Nachman's tziyon, and by the other kivrei Tzadikim as well. I will not be able to take any more names as I will be pretty much incommunicado till I get back next Sunday.

I just received word last last week that I will be starting my new job the day after I return from Uman. This is much earlier than I was expecting. It's amazing how things work out together like that. IY"H this Rosh Hashana process should prepare me for the battle ahead.

Over Shabbos, I saw a Toldos Yaakov Yosef on Parshas Vayelech which which referred to something he said in Parshas Shoftim. He spoke so so clearly about this change that I'm about to embark on. While the job is a huge bracha, it is also contains overwhelming challenges. And this piece, which I have captioned on the right side of this post, offers amazing guidance and something for me to think about as I leave my current "learning vacation" and embark on my commute to, and work-life in, New York City.

He speaks on the pasuk in Parshas Shoftim, Devarim 20:2, which says, "And it will be that when you come close to the war, the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation." (captioned on the right)

I'll adapt the paragraph from the Toldos on that pasuk (captioned) into English: "The Torah says 'And it will be that when you come close...' The Sifri and Rashi (which brings the Sifri) explain that 'come close' refers to when the Jewish people come close to going out from the border ("s'far") of our enemies. This refers to when a person comes close to going out from the sefer [The word for border, s'far, has the same shoresh as the word for Torah book, sefer], and into the city to do business. Immediately, it is a war with the yetzer hara which tries to seduce a person into הסתכלות נשים, speaking gossip, cynicism, and the like. Therefore, one may not trust in the fact that he has been involved in learning Torah until now by [erroneously] thinking that the yetzer hara will not bother him. Instead, [the verse continues] 'the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation.'"

Anyone who goes to work has many challenges if he wants to try and keep his mind in kedusha. It's tough even for a person who has learned much better and longer than I have. In my case, I will even have to walk through (or near) Times Square every day from the train to my office. Sometimes avoiding הסתכלות נשים and the rest of it is so hard that it is easy to think it it is just better to give up. The task is fearsome and the tendency is just to want to stop fighting it and become misgashem like the surrounding, superficial world.

With this Toldos in mind, I went to look at how the psukim continue (also captioned above after the text of the Toldos). What is the chizuk that the Kohain gives the person who's leaving his sefer to go off on the Long Island Rail Road and walk through Manhattan? What does such a person need to keep in mind during that process?

The psukim (Devarim 20:3-4) continue with the Kohain's message: "And he says to them, 'Hear Israel: You are approaching today to make war on your enemy [the yetzer hara]. Don't become weak-hearted. Don't be afraid, don't panic, and don't be terrified of them because Hashem your G-d is going in front of you to fight for you with your enemies to save you."

As the Gemara in Kiddushin 30b says, if Hashem would not help us, we would not be able to beat our yetzer hara on our own ("ואלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו")!

This is such amazing chizuk. I made the psukim, the Rashi, and the text of the Toldos itself, into a card. (Click the image to enlarge and print if you wish.) IY"H, when I get back from Uman I want to laminate it so I can read it before I get on the train every day, at least at the beginning, to remind myself to always ask Hashem to help me fight the big battle for me.

IY"H, we should all be zoche to renew our battle against the yetzer hara throughout the day every day, and we should be zoche to win in that battle and win on the Yom Hadin this week.

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Please donate to my son's cheder by going to minivanraffle.org to buy a raffle ticket. The drawing for a new minivan, car, or $20,000 cash will be IY"H Chanukah time. $100 for 1 ticket. $360 for 5. Where the form says "Referred by," please write "Dixie Yid." Tizku l'mitzvos!

Burning Out the Chometz From Our Hearts - R' Moshe Weinberger & Rav Tzvi Mayer

Tonight is Bedikas (the search for) Chometz and tomorrow morning is Biur (the destruction of) Chometz. B"H, in our kehilla were were fortunate to hear Rav Moshe Weinberger speak at Shalosh Sheudos about what to think about while cleaning for Pesach, and doing bedikas and biur chometz.

First I want to traslate a short tefillah before Bedikas Chometz from the sefer Avodas Hakodesh, brought in the Koidinov Hagaddah, which was assembled by the current Koidinover Rebbe, Rav Yaakov Tzvi Meir Ehrlich of Koidinov (who we were zocheh to have in our home for two Shabbos seudos a little over a year ago).

May it be Your Will Hashem our G-d and G-d of our forefathers that you cause us to merit to examine and search the biases of the recesses of our souls which we have defiled at the counsel of our evil inclinations. And cause us to merit to return to You with perfect Teshuva. And You, in Your great goodness, have mercy upon us. Help us, G-d of our salvation, in the matter of the honor of Your Name. And save us from the prohibition of chametz, even the smallest amount, this year and every single year for the rest of my life Amen, so may it be Your will.

Rav Weinberger gave over some words from Rav Zvi Meyer Zilberberg from Divrei Chizuk on what to think about and work on during bedikas and biur chometz. It is known that we work harder to get ride of any trace of chometz than we do any other davar asur, forbidden thing. This makes no sense al pi pshat, on a simple level, unless we understand that we're really supposed to be davening the whole time to get rid of the chometz in our hearts, our yetzer hara, our bad traits and midos.

It is also know that many Tzadikim spent hours and hours doing bedikas Chometz. Many of them lived in tiny apartments that probably would have taken less than an hour to check for chometz. So what were they doing for all those hours? Their whole time checking for chometz was filled with crying and davening that they be ableto do teshuva and get rid of the chometz in their hearts.

Rav Tzvi Mayer connected some of these thoughts to the words of bitul chometz that we say in the morning after burning the chometz. When we say "כל חמירא דאיכא ברשותי, דחזיתיה ודלא חזיתיה," "all chometz in my domain that I have seen and that I have not seen," we're really saying something much deeper. We know all too well about many of our faults and must live with that knowledge every day until we correct them. But there are other faults that we do not know about because we have never even seen though (though unfotunately our wives, husbands, parents, etc. can see them all too clearly). So we're asking Hashem to remove both the faults that we do see in ourselves and even those that we have turned away from because we don't want to see them, "דחזיתיה ודלא חזיתיה."

And then there are faults that we knew about, and we worked on them. We thought that we got rid of them. When we say "דבערתיה ודלא בערתיה," we are saying that there are yetzer haras, faults that we thought we got rid of, דבערתיה, but really, "ודלא בערתיה," we did not really get rid of them. They were just swept under the carpet and they are still part of our lives. For those things, we should daven during bitul and biur chometz that Hashem should help us get rid of those yetzer haras.

Rav Tzvi Mayer suggested that we use biur and bitul chometz as a small beginning to start working on and davening for getting rid of some of the chometz in our lives, even in a small way by making a small kabalah. We should make some small commitment to change one thing about ourselves, a bad mida, a yetzer hara, an indulgence, something... And to work on that thing throughout the year starting at biur chometz.

Hashem should help all of us remove the chometz from our hearts and bring us close to Him.

Picture of the biur chometz in Belz, Yerushalayim, courtesy of porges.net. Click here to get Dixie Yid in your e-mail Inbox or here to subscribe in Google Reader.

Deriding Those Who Emphasize "Repairing the Covenant"? & Beyond BT "Torah As Tool" Posting

I have two guest posts that were posted today. The first is from A Simple Jew, where he asked about why people deride Breslov Chassidus for its emphasis on repairing sins of an illicit nature, in the area of shmiras Habris. Here is his question, followed by a link to my answer:

A Simple Jew asks:

I have often heard people criticize Breslov Chassidus because they perceive it to have an overemphasis on the concept of shemiras habris. Given the fact that this concept pertains to overcoming one of a person's strongest and most powerful desires, would you attribute the criticism of shemiras habris to a critic's conscious or unconscious realization that they have great difficulties living up to the ideal? To what do you attribute Western society's derision of shemiras habris in general?

Dixie Yid Answers...

P.S. Two points to anyone who can guess why I chose the picture above...

Also, Beyond BT has reposted my post from a while back about whether those of us who come closer to Torah later in life should focus on Torah's practical benefits or its spiritual benefits when trying to fight out yetzer hara. Beyond BT: Should We Teach That Torah is the Best Worldly Tool?

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Understanding "Iskafia" - Desire, You're Not the Boss of Me!

I highly recommend reading Rabbi Shais Taub's guest post at A Simple Jew today. It's on the topic of Iskafia, repressing or subjugating one's desires. He speaks about it on a practical level and I think it's a great reminder regarding who should be the boss of us.

A Simple Jew: Question & Answer With Rabbi Shais Taub - Iskafia

One important line that's good to point out: If you refrain from eating dessert but everyone knows about it, then you really haven’t held your selfish drives in check, you’ve just replaced one indulgence with another – in this case physical pleasure for emotional validation.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of sfweekly.com)

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Should Eating/Sinning Addictions Be Treated Like Addictions?

I wrote in a previous post about how the compulsion to do aveiros/eating/etc. should be considered an addiction, and handled with as much seriousness. I was very interested to hear the following report on the various kinds of addiction that exist, besides just for drugs, cigarretes and alcohol. This aired on the Leonard Lopate show on WNYC, the local NPR affiliate. I think it definitely adds to the discussion.



-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of yumsugar.com)

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Should We Teach People That The Torah is the Best Worldly Tool?

When I was first becoming observant, one book that had a great effect on my thinking was Tradition in a Rootless World: Women Turn to Orthodox Judaism. It was written by a non-frum sociologist who immersed herself in two different communities of Baalei Teshuva to learn why they chose to become observant and in what ways they differed. She spent a few weeks studying at a Beis Chana Chabad Seminary for Baalos Teshuva and several weeks with the Lincoln Square Synagogue, a center for many modern orthodox Baalei Teshuva in Manhattan.

One of the major impressions that I had from this book, which, to me, reflected negatively on the modern orthodox approach to teaching Baalei Teshuva at Lincoln Square, was that their whole approach was completely this-world centered. They taught how Judaism and observance leads to a better life in this world. They showed people how being observant was healthier physically, emotionally and socially. They showed people how, if they became more observant, they could have better lives in this world. This was their main approach to outreach.

In contrast, the approach at the Chabad seminary was to encourage the women to grow in their committment to Yiddishkeit by focusing mostly on the spiritual side of it. They showed the people there how they could transcend this world and connect to G-d through keeping the Torah.

My impression was that the more "right wing" approach was to take a more direct route and actually focus on the real deal, which is that religion is supposed to bring a person closer to G-d, not merely a more "effective" life in this finite world.

However, I saw a very interesting Kedushas Levi in Parshas Vayishlach (5th piece) which speaks about this basic concept. He talks about two different stages in a person's development. He says that when one is first beginning to get closer to G-d, the yetzer hara is very strong. The person is still so steeped in "this-world", that they have no language or frame of reference for really focusing on the transcendent, which just doesn't move the person at that stage because he just doesn't speak that language yet. In order to grow in observance at that stage, a person can only fight their yetzer hara by focusing on all of the good things of this world that a person gets by keeping the Torah. In such a way, the yetzer hara is pacified and lays off a bit, and the person can grow.

But in "stage 2," when a person is already davuk, cleaving to Hashem, then he should no longer focus on the good things of this world that the Torah will bring him. Rather, he should only focus on giving nachas ruach, pleasure to Hashem as his only motivation. At this stage, the nefesh haEloki, the G-dly soul, is so revealed that one does not need the crutch of focusing on the worldly benefits of Torah anymore to subjugate the yetzer hara. The lure of greater deveikus with Hashem and the ability to give Him nachas ruach through one's avodah is incentive enough.

After seeing this piece in Kedushas Levi, I realized that both approaches, the Lincoln Square approach and the Chabad approach from that book are both necessary for different people, and for the same people in different stages of their development. I don't actually know whether the teachers at Lincoln Squqre are actually aware of "Stage 2" or not. I don't know if they intended to help influence the members of their community to the more spiritual, G-d oriented, transcendent side of Yiddishkeit when they were ready or not. But the Kedushas Levi is teaching that this method should not be shunned. It is something necessary for each of us in the beginning stages of our avodah (which can often take a lifetime) and should be used without embarrassment because for those of us coming from a secular culture, the worldy benefits are the only ones which will speak to us until we learn how much more is out there.

I don't think that only one or the other approaches are right. We have to know ourselves to discern which strategy to pursue when fighting our own yetzer haras and which is the right approach when teaching others. We have to know which language we and others understand and which we don't. IY"H, we should all be zoche to take the right approach in our own inner work and when trying to be mashpiah in a positive and productive way on others.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture of Lincoln Square Synagogue courtesy of gis.net)

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The Freedom of Shabbos' Restrictions

I had a hargasha, a feeling, during Shalosh Sheudos which I wanted to share. No chiddushim. I just had a feeling of really understanding on a deeper level what the Mishna in Pirkei Avos 6:2 meant when it said "שאין לך בן חורין אלא מי שעוסק בתלמוד תורה," There is no greater free man than one who is engaged in learning Torah."

I was just thinking at Shalosh Sheudos how sad it is that Shabbos was about to end, and the battle would begin again. I realized that once all of the prohibitions of Shabbos are lifted, I would be "free" again to do all of the things needed for worldly life. And when you're "free" do those things, really you have to do them, since there's no excuse not to.

However, on Shabbos when we have no choice but to abstain from those worldly pursuits, the Yetzer Hara loses it's excuse to make us do things which take us away from Him. When I can do those weekday things, then I can't not do them. But on Shabbos, when I can't do them, it is such a liberating feeling to be free of it all. That's why the restrictions of Shabbos are such a breath of fresh air.

It almost feels like the teenager who doesn't really want to do drugs who feels liberated to have the excuse to tell his friends that his parents would just kill him if he did it. The restrictions of the parents aren't really restrictions at all. They allow him the liberty of giving the restrictions as the excuse for why he can't be a servant of his friends expectations of him.

The truth is that the higher level a person is on, the more Shabbos will infuse him with that freedom the rest of the week. The more a person internalizes the feeling of those restrictions that apply during the rest of the week, they become his excuse and his reason to be free of those desires, needs and distractions that pull him away from Hashem the rest of the week.

Oy Shabbos! What a mechaya! (breath of fresh air) Halevai (would that) we will all soon be in that state of Yom shekulo Shabbos, in the days which are totally Shabbos forever and ever!

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of blindmonkey)

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The Compulsion to Do an Aveira Must Be Treated Like an Addiction

In her second post about my and Rabbi Maryles' posts about some of the factors which are related to Jews going off the derech, Frumhouse wrote that the key to increasing the chances of Baalei Teshuva staying on the Derech is maintence in all areas of life. In the course of her comments, she wrote:

As an example, an ex-smoker might feel momentary relief in a cigarette during a stressful moment, but the pain of addiction and fear of cancer will be a quick reminder of why they quit in the first place. The drag of a cigarette can never be as sweet as those first puffs taken in ignorance of the consequences. Additionally, there will also be the sting of personal failure ingested with each inhale. Similarly, imagine the frustrations of a chronic dieter who struggles to lose weight, reaches a modicum of success, only to give up the difficult fight and pack the pounds back on. These analogies illustrate why I believe that BTs who go off the derech are never truly satisfied with their choice to revert back to their former lives. I realize that I am likening becoming frum to overcoming an addiction. However, I believe that this diagnosis is correct for many of us.

Although she seems somewhat appologetic for comparing doing aveiros to addition, I think this is a very accurate analogy. Addiction is not only about alcohol and narcotics. It is about not being able to resist any kind of compulsion and not being mevatel one's self, nullifying one's self, to G-d. For instance, Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski has a Twelve Step Program for those with low self esteem. Groups also exist for Gamblers, Debtors, Clutterers and Workaholics.

When a person finds comfort in things that he knows are harmful to himself and others, he shares the same root problem that alcoholics and other addicts face. Doing aveiros in thought, word or deed fall into this category as well.

We could start other "Anonymous" groups to address these problems as well. We could have:

• Shul Talkers Anonymous
• Lashon Hara Speakers Anonymous
• Bitul Torah Anonymous
• Shmiras Ha'Einayim Anonymous

Let's say a person can't stop himself from talking in Shul, even though he knows that it's wrong and that he's passing up on the opportunity for davening to Hashem as well as the fact that he's distracting others. Or let's say that whenever a person's on the train, on the street or on the computer, he can't seem to stop himself from gazing at things that he is forbidden to look at. In either case, or a multitude of others, no matter how many times he tries to stop doing it, and no matter how much he knows that these things are destroying himself spiritually, he just can't seem to stop doing it.

As a summary, the twelve step programs take the following approach to this situation:

* admitting that one cannot control one's addiction or
compulsion
* recognizing a greater power that can give strength
* examining past errors with the help of a sponsor (experienced member)
* making amends for these errors
* learning to live a new life with a new code
of behavior
*helping others that suffer from the same addictions or compulsions.

The first step is admitting that you don't control what you're doing wrong. There's no way to progress if you still see yourself as in the driver's seat, and that you "can stop doing it whenever you want to." The idea is recognizing that without turning to Hashem for help, you also cannot progress. As the Gemara in Kiddusin 30b says, "ואמר ר"ש בן לוי ... ואלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו," "Reb Shimon ben Levi says that without Hashem's help [in conquering the evil inclination/Yetzer Hara], one cannot conquor it."

Whatever it is that a person can't stop himself from doing, he should view himself as being just as bad off as someone with an addiction. As long as one doesn't recognize the seriousness of his faults, he won't be able to even take the first step in correcting it. After that, one must turn to Hashem as their source of help and constantly recognize his faults and work to correct them.

May Hashem help us recognize our faults and turn to Hashem to help us correct them!

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of cartoonstock.com)

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The Proper Place for Criticisms of Jewish Communities

I received the following guest Post from Yosef Hakohen regarding my link to Rabbi Horowitz's article on why frum Jews sometimes go off the Derech:

I have had teachers from both the Chareidei and Modern Orthodox (Religious Zionist) worlds, and I have lived in both worlds. I do not think that the reason Rabbi Horowitz cited is the main cause for people going off the derech, as the Modern Orthodox world also has a serious problem with people going off the derech, and you can't say that it is because their schools do not emphasize English-language skills.

I have spent most of my life trying to build bridges between different groups of Jews. I am therefore troubled by one type of reaction to Rabbi Horowitz's article: someone from the Modern Orthodox world who uses Rabbi Horowitz's comments as an excuse to snidely "put-down" the Chareidi world, which includes Chassidic, Lithuanian Yeshiva, Hirschian, and Sephardic communities. (Yes, the majority of the Hirschian community in Washington Heights has been affiliated with Agudath Israel of America, the leading Chareidi organization.)

One reason for the "put-downs" or "bashing" of Chareidim by some Modern Orthodox Jews is because some Modern Orthodox Jews feel very threatened by the growth and increasing strength of the Chareidi communities. In addition, some are upset that their own children have become Chareidi.

Many of us, however, have greatly benefited from the great teachers within the Chareidi world; moreover, we have greatly benefited from the deep spirituality and warm hospitality of many Chareidim. We should therefore be careful not to fall into the trap of belittling Chareidim.

Thoughtful discussion and criticism within one's own community, like Rabbi Horowitz's article, can be constructive, but it can be destructive when those from another community sieze upon his comments in order to promote their own negative views and stereotypes of the Chareidi world.

Shalom Al Yisrael,
Yosef Ben Shlomo Hakohen

I totally agree with Yosef's point. It reminds me of the rich man and the poor man. The rich man always quotes the ma'amar chazal that says that it is better for a man to work a menial job than to beg for money from others, to criticize the poor man for collecting. And the poor man always quotes the ma'amar that one must support poor people to the level that they were accustomed to, even if that was a very wealthy lifestyle, and how much the more so someone like him who was just trying to get by. The rabbi commented that they both had it wrong. The ma'amar about the poor man's conduct was directed at the poor man. And the ma'amar about the rich man's conduct was directed at the rich man. But that they both had it reversed and were both hearing the messages directed at the other. It helped them deflect from looking at and examining their own actions. The same thing certainly applies to those modern orthodox or others who constantly criticize chareidim rather than their own communities. It is atzas yetzer hara.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of lifehack.org)

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The Choice Facing Jews With a Homosexual Orientation

I received the following very interesting Guest Post by our friend, Yosef Hakohen, following up on my post about Aish.com's article on Homosexuality. (UPDATE: David has written a follow-up article, addressing many of the Aish.com commenters who criticized him for trying to change his homosexual orientation.) There, I brought up the tension between the two general approaches that people with a homosexual orientation should take. Is it better for them to try to become heterosexual and get married, or to just live an essentially celibate life of keeping the mitzvos without marriage, and certainly without forbidden homosexual relationships.

Dear Dixie Yid,

A few weeks ago, you referred to an article that Rav Aharon Feldman wrote in 1997 concerning the struggles of Torah-committed homosexuals, and you mentioned that his article seemed to contradict the recent article on this theme which appeared on aish.com. You wrote:

"Aish.com has published a very bold and interesting article by a man named "David" who's a man in his 40's with a wife and children, who lived a homosexual life for a very long time. I was very surprised by his approach. I had read R' Aaron Feldman's article a few years ago, suggesting that homosexual men not attempt to marry women, etc., but rather to take advantage of their "inability" to get married and dedicate their lives to doing things for the Klal that "family men" can't really do because of the difficulty in traveling with a family at home. This is certainly a very different approach. And it is one that I was taught to reject as an option for homosexuals, back in my pre-frum days. I'd be interested to hear other people's reactions as well."

Before assuming that Rav Feldman would disagree with the article on aish.com, we need to first focus on the conclusion of Rav Feldman's article, where he wrote to his correspondent:

"I will add that I do not think that it is necessary for you to give up on the hope of someday having a family. The ways of Providence are manifold. For example, I was personally involved in a case of a woman who knowingly married a homosexual man in order to help him overcome his condition. They subsequently had a large family. It was only because they were both deeply religious Jews that they were successful. There is reason to hope that with your acceptance of living a life in the service of G-d, your problem as well will be overcome. Nothing is impossible if we merit Divine assistance; 'Can the hand of G-d ever be inadequate?' "

In his second article on this theme, Rav Feldman clarified his view, based on some new evidence regarding the possibility of changing one's sexual orientation. He wrote:
"Nevertheless, for the material and spiritual security and well-being of each homosexual, it would be best that he attempt to change his sexual orientation. With same-sex tendencies he will have to contend with a lifetime of struggle with his inclinations, and he will be unable to enter into a normal marital relationship and have a family. Many eminent psychiatrists believe that homosexuality is the result of an ill developed sexual identity due to childhood stress. Their view is that to the extent that other emotional problems can be healed, homosexuals can be healed as well. There are thousands of case histories of homosexuals who have converted to heterosexuality."

(The above comments appear on Rav Feldman's old website: http://www.jerusalemletter.co.il/ . These comments are from an editorial introduction to the issue of June 22, 2,000. It is available in the archives of the Jerusalem Letter.)

According to this clarification, someone with a homosexual orientation should "try" to change his orientation. I have one friend with a homosexual orientation who tried to develop a heterosexual orientation, but did not succeed. He feels good, however, that he at least tried; moreover, he decided that he would follow the Torah and live a celibate life. He now devotes himself to serving the Jewish community. I also have two other friends who originally had a homosexual orientation, but who were able to change. They are now both married!

Regardless of our sexual orientation, we each have a tikun that we need to do in this world.
May Hashem help each of us to do the tikun that we need to do.

Shalom,
Yosef Ben Shlomo Hakohen

(Picture courtesy of eternallycool.net)

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Dieting as a Means of Emancipating Ones Self From the Yetzer Hara's Grip

I wrote before about eating in a more restrained way as a method of controlling one's ta'avos, desires.

Although my current work as a Law Clerk in a general practice law firm does involve driving 1-2 days a week, my previous jobs involved much more driving. I had some very very bad habits that developed over time. Essentially, I was too rushed in the morning to pack up food for the day, so I would grab snacks and soda on my way from place to place at various convenience stores or gas stations. I would essentially order whatever fatty or sweet food or drink that I felt like getting at any time and, to my embarrassment, I munched through my day without any meaningful self-control over what I would eat.

But about three months ago, I was very unhappy about what had become of my formerly slender build and so, with my wife's undying and faithful support, I totally changed my eating habits. Now, much of the time either my wife or I prepare my daily rations of food, I do not buy or eat any of the high fat or sugar foods (think Drake's) that I used to get, and I am now good friends with my former nemesis, diet soda. Although I don't go to the meetings, I've started keeping to the Weight Watchers system as well.

B"H, I have lost about 22 pounds so far, KA"H, these last three months and I hope to lose another 15 or so.

I ponder quite often how I could have lived such an animalistic lifestyle before, simply ingesting anything that I wanted to, only hesitating to check for a hechsher and mumble a quick bracha. It is clear to me now, after having extricated myself, to some extent, from that this way of life, that I was truly a naval b'reshus haTorah, a boor, who didn't transgress halacha. It may have taken a shelo lishma (non-spiritual) reason to get me started in this, but it now seems to me that it is essential, for one trying to live a more ruchnius-dikeh life, to control one's ta'avos in eating in order not to be a slave to his nefesh habahamis, his animalistic soul.

-Dixie Yid

P.S. Thanks to A Simple Jew for suggesting that I write about this topic, especially given our e-discussions about this avodah.

(Picture courtesy of Drake's)

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The New Internet Filter I'm Using

I'm hesitant to write about this Internet web filter until I feel like I can really get to know it and fully see how it works. But we just took the big plunge and bought and subscribed to an Internet filter called Kleen Web, from a frum Internet filtering company. I'd heard about it before, but a recent article in Jewish Action Magazine that I read by Yitzchok Adlerstein, a frequent contributor at Cross-Currents, renewed my interest in giving this another try.

There are several free options for cleaning up your Internet service but none of them really worked for me. I have tried one called K-9 Internet Protection, a free web filter. It prevented my computer from working properly and I couldn't get it working again until I uninstalled it. Furthermore, it was too easy to uninstall, which makes it less than safe for the kids anyway, who could more easily get around it. And I've also tried a program called x3watch, an Internet buddy program. X3watch is supposed to monitor the sites you visit and send a list of the questionable ones to your internet buddy, which would encourage self-monitoring of the sites one visits. #1, it doesn't really prevent kids from seeing things they shouldn't. And anyway, it never worked properly, even when I paid for customer support and my "Internet buddy" never reliably received the e-mails with possible "questionable" sites that were visited on my computer.

I therefore came to the conclusion that, at least for now, I had to bite the bullet and pay a little something to keep myself, and my children safe from the horrible things on the Internet.

So far, my computers seem to function properly on Kleen Web and it has a few advantages. #1, it's very flexible. I'm even able to run this blog with all of it's image, video and blog searches without too much of a problem. I'm able to set it to allow certain computers to access images.google.com and the like.

Another good thing about it is that certain things that would be universally considered inappropriate are never allowable and it causes the Google "safe serach" option to always be on. Also, it will sometimes selectively not display videos or pictures that are embedded in other sites if the source site for that picture/video is not allowed. For instance, it will not display a YouTube video that's embedded on my blog, even though it will display everything else, unless you have set it to allow YouTube on that computer.

One other advantage that makes it good is that it cannot be uninstalled from any computer that it's installed onto, unless you call in to their offices and give them certain security information over the phone. This adds another layer of protection so that kids or anyone without the security information can't remove the program. We've also taken the additional step of having passwords placed on all of our computers so that after five minutes of inactivity, you have to retyple the password to get onto the computer.

Also, if it's on a laptop, you're protected everywhere. Since the filter is not server-side, but right there on the computer, if you go to some other wireless network at some other location, the filter is still there.

My plan is that once I've set things up the way I need them, I'll have my wife change the administrator's password to something that I won't know about, which will protect me, in fulfillment of what Chazal say in Kesubos 13b that "אין אפוטרופוס לעריות," no one can trust himself when it comes to illicit matters.

Like I said before, it's very early on. We've only had the program for about 2 weeks now on our computers. But our oldest child is already nine and a half years old. And our three year old son is already getting proficent in how to use a computer. From our school's understandable perspective, they would prefer that families not have Internet in their homes at all. However, as that is not shiach for us due to my wife and my work, some solution is very very necessary to prevent a takala, a calamity in our home if our kids gain access or are exposed to some of the intensely bad stuff out there.

IY"H, I'll keep you posted on how it's going. But I am writing this to once again, make sure that this issue is front and center and hopefully others will take whatever steps they can to protect themselves and their children.

Feel free to contact me or comment with your experiences with any of these options or with any help or about any problems you are having with KleenWeb.

-Dixie Yid

(Picture courtesy of KleenWeb)

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Sanctifying the Heart - Having Breakfast With the Bilvavi

I was just speaking to a heiligeh Chassidisher Yid from Boro Park yesterday and he shared the following vort with me, as an explanation as to what he felt the gadlus (greatness) of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh seforim in our generation is:

He asked a question in the name of the Bais Yisroel of Ger. Why does the pasuk say "וְלֹא-תָתוּרוּ אַחֲרֵי לְבַבְכֶם, וְאַחֲרֵי עֵינֵיכֶם," "You shall not stray after your heart and after your eyes" (Bamidbar 15:39) in that particular order? Doesn't one usually first see something that then stirs his heart to desire it? Shouldn't the verse place straying after one's eyes before the idea of not straying after his heart?

The Bais Yisroel explains that when one is working on guarding his heart, thoughts and eyes from focusing on the wrong things, it is best to first start by being mekadesh (sanctifying) his heart, his inner-most mindset, thoughts and feelings. Once his heart is purified, then that which he may see (by accident of course) will not draw him. It will not register, just as if he would be looking at a door or a mouse. (DY: This would be the pshat in the Gemara's statement that women seemed like white Geese ("קאקי חיורי") to Rav Gidel. [Brachos 20a])

My Chassidisher friend said that to him, when he learns the seforim of the Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, they are so clear and so illuminating, that they have the effect of being mekadesh his heart, sanctifying his heart. He said that now, he feels that shmiras ha'einayim, guarding his eyes, is 60-70% easier than it was 6 months ago because when one's heart is with Hashem consciously, there's just no attraction to retzonios kozvios, false desires.

Along these lines as well, I was zocheh to have breakfast with Rav Shwartz Sunday morning, after he arrived in New York. In response to a question, the Rav's host told him that that he felt that in the past year, he had improved in the area of shmiras ha'einayim, guarding his eyes. Rav Shwartz asked him if this was because he was fighting harder, or because he didn't have to fight as hard? He explained that although it's a madreiga, a level, to fight harder against the yetzer hara (evil inclination) and succeed more, the best thing is to bring Hashem into the consciousness to the extent that one doesn't need to fight harder to win against the Yetzer Hara.

Whether it be through the Bilvavi Seforim, or whatever other method, may we all bring Hashem into our thoughts and consciousness so that our hearts will be sanctified and we will no longer desire any of the false temptations of this world!

Rav Shwartz's schedule for the rest of the week in Baltimore, Monsey, Woodmere, Far Rockaway/Five Towns, Englewood & Boro Park is available HERE.

-Dixie Yid

P.S. After Rav Shwartz returns to Eretz Yisroel, I hope to post all of his shiurim online. Also, I may be able to post a couple of video recordings of some of the shiurim in the next few weeks.

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When Should One Rush To Take On New Things? & When Deliberate?

The "other" son of the Izbitzer, Rav Mordechai Yosef Leiner, is Rav Shmuel Dov Asher. He brought a great teaching in Parsas Re'eh in the sefer Neos Deshe, on the pasuk "לֹא-תְבַשֵּׁל גְּדִי, בַּחֲלֵב אִמּוֹ," "Do not cook a kid in its mother's milk." (Devarim 14:21) And big thanks to my friend, Rabbi Reuven Boshnack, for showing this to me.

He said that the yetzer hara (evil inclination) comes to different people in different ways. If someone doesn't actually have the desire to be good, the yetzer hara will just flat-out try to get him to sin. But if a person does want and try to be good, the yetzer hara will act very religious and frum. If a person wants to learn Torah, the yetzer hara will cause a person to think "Who am I to involve myself in such holy things? I haven't even purified myself in even basic matters. Let me first make myself worthy, and then I will learn." Or, if a person is busy with his work, the yetzer hara will say, "How can I learn Torah with so many distractions with all of the work I have to do? Let me first earn enough money and progress to so-and-so point in my career, and then I will be able to learn without all of the distractions of the work-a-day life." Using these tricks, the yetzer hara can cause a person to go a whole lifetime without learning.

He says that instead, when the thought of doing a mitzvah comes into one's head, he should quickly do it right away and not over-analyze about whether or not it's a good idea. The youth of a kid, a baby goat (גְּדִי), he says, refers to alacrity, doing things quickly and with excitement. However he says that the mother goat's milk refers to the trait of doing things slowly and patiently. "לֹא-תְבַשֵּׁל גְּדִי, בַּחֲלֵב אִמּוֹ," then, refers to the idea that one should not cook or destroy the youthful alacrity that one is inclined to exhibit when he thinks of doing a new mitzvah, with the misplaced patience and thoughtfulness of "its mother's milk."

I asked Rabbi Boshnack what he thought the limits of this principal are. It seems to me that the Neos Deshe would agree that some thoughts to do mitzvos that are truly beyond one's self and should not be taken on in haste. For instance, if a regular guy felt inspired to keep a ta'anis dibur ("vow of silence") every Monday and Thursday, though he hadn't even taken the TV out of his house yet, this miiight not be advisable. Reb Reuven suggested that one principal might be that when one is thinking of taking on a new hanhaga, practice, like putting on Rebbeinu Tam Tefillin, he should ask his Rebbe or Moreh Derech.

I was also thinking that perhaps when one is talking about something that universally applies to almost every Jew, he should go ahead and start doing it as soon as his spirit moves him, without prior deliberation. Since it is something that is either halacha or is very widely kept, any thought not to do it is likely to be his yetzer hara trying to cool off his holy fire. Whereas if it's something that applies only to some people, yechidei segulah, this may be the place for deliberation, balance and a phone call to one's Rebbe or Moreh Derech.

What do you think?

-Dixie Yid

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What Comes First? Sin or Theological Change?

At the end of Parshas Balak, Bamidbar 25:1-2, the pasuk says "וַיָּחֶל הָעָם, לִזְנוֹת אֶל-בְּנוֹת מוֹאָב. ב וַתִּקְרֶאןָ לָעָם, לְזִבְחֵי אֱלֹהֵיהֶן וַיֹּאכַל הָעָם, וַיִּשְׁתַּחֲווּ לֵאלֹהֵיהֶן." "Yisroel settled in Shittim and the people [of Yisroel] began acting promiscuously with the daughters of Moav. They [girls of Moav] invited the people [of Yisroel] to their idolatrous sacrifices; and the people ate and prostrated themselves before their gods." (translation courtesy of Tachash.org) Here's my question. Why does the Torah say that the Jewish people first had illicit relations with the Moavi girls and only later worshiped their idols? If they believed in Hashem, how could they sin with those women? Shouldn't it have said that they worshiped the idols first, which would have given them the theological permission slip to sin with the daughters of Moav afterwards?

It's probably not a chidush, a novel idea, to say that it almost always works in the oposite order of what my question would suggest. We don't sin because of an intellectual or theological conviction that what we want to do is alright. We just sin because we are weak and give into our ta'avos, desires. The theological changes, intellectual realizations and religious rationalizations only come along later as our way of making ourselves feel less guilty for what we have done. Therefore, the pasuk says that they first indulged their Yetzer Haras, their evil inclination, and then only afterwards worshiped the idols as a way of rationalizing their actions to alleviate the sense of cognative dissonance.

After an aveira, we have two choices. Either change our definition of what an aveira is so as to redefine what we've done as a non-sin, or preferably a mitzva. Or we can choose the harder path of recognizing that what we did is wrong and work to correct it for the future. Sometimes, it may seem too difficult to change at the present time. And this is when it is especially tempting to redraw the lines to allow ourselves to believe that what we have done and want to continue doing is permitted or obligatory even. However, it is at a time like that when it's better to say to one's self:

"I know that this is wrong and I admit it. I am sorry for it, but right now I don't feel that I have the stregth to overcome this right now. B'Ezras Hashem, with G-d's help, I will get to changing this in the future. In the mean time, I will change the more managable things in my life first. But I will not rationalize my sins and convince myself that they are permitted. This would take away all hope of tikun, of repair from my life so I will remain honest with myself about what's really right and what's really wrong. Hashem, please help me continue acknowledging what's truly right and live up to that standard one day..."

-Dixie Yid

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What Is It With These Products With Yetzer Hara-dik names?!

First there was Zima, lasciviousness.

Now Pepsi's has a new drink called Ta'ava!

-Dixie Yid

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What to Daven For Before You Give Into A Ta'avah

When it comes to the big avodah of changing over one's desires from the desires of his superficial self to wanting the same things that Hashem wants, one should realize that this is a long process and it is accomplished step-by-step, and not all at once.

In Bilvavi Mishkan Evneh, Vol 2, Ch. 26, Rav Shwartz writes that it is a major avoda to go from the world of "Ratzon Atzmo," wanting what one's external self wants, to the world of the "Ratzon Hashem," where "Retzoneinu la'asos ratzoncha," our only desire is to do Hashem's will.

Since this is such a big process, one must first start by clarifying which of one's desires are truly his inner desires, which are his external desires, and which are the will of Hashem. He says that there are three levels within a person. 1) There's the the Chelek HaEloki, the G-dly soul. 2) We also have a true, inner self. The desires of this part of one's self are one's true desires, and are the same as Hashem's will. 3) A person also has an external "I," whose desires do not necessarily coincide with the Ratzon Hashem at all. This part of the self is also called the "Nefesh Habahamis," the animal soul.

Rav Shwartz takes the example of a person who wants to eat due to ta'ava, a mere desire to eat. He is not referring to the eating that one does in order to live. Rather, he's talking about the kind of eating that people do just for the enjoyment of it. At first, a person is unlikely to be able to totally stop himself from eating out of ta'ava. Therefore, he suggests that a first step would be to begin to clarify to one's self which desires originate in his true inner self, and which are merely the desires of the external "I," the Nefesh Habahamis.

He has an amazing hisbonenus idea. He suggests that rather than jumping straight into fulfilling the ta'ava, as usual, he should briefly talk to himself about the true nature of his desires before he begins to eat whatever it is that he desires to eat. I'll translate this quick hisbonenus here:

I know that my inner self does not want to eat this, but my external self wants to eat it. I know that my superficial self still rules over me more than my inner self. And since this is my level, and my external side rules over me more than my inner side, and since right now is not a good time to do battle with my external side because I do not have the inner strength to do battle, I will now eat this food! But one thing is clear to me: My true desire is not to eat it, but I feel that I am not able to to stand against my external desire, and therefore I will eat!

The amazing and surprising thing about this is that it recognizes that it's not all or nothing. Growing into a person who want to do the ratzon Hashem and doesn't want anything physical for its own sake takes time and effort and it is a step-by-step process. This type of hisbonenus he suggests takes that into account and helps us start at the beginning, by clarifying to ourselves what really is right and what our true desires are and where they come from.

IY"H, may we be zocheh to apply these teachings and may these ideas help us clarify ourselves to ourselves on the road to a life of Kirvas Hashem.

-Dixie Yid

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It's Hard to Grown When You're Still Holding On...

From Memo to Self by Ruth Lewis:

Lizards

I have been as one
who tovels
while clutching,
clasping,
grasping
many lizards.
Loathsome, lurid green,
reptilian.

As one truly seeking purity
but unable to unpry my
stiff, reluctant fingers
from those long-tailed,
long-loved
lizards.

Spiny, slimy,
slithery,
slick, sick,
leathery
lizards.

But now,
slowly, slowly,
I unpry my still-stiff fingers,
one by one.
At long last, loosening my hold,
letting go of my beloved lizards
one by one,
learning to live life
lizardless
and pure.

-Dixie Yid

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Should One Foucus on Understanding His Yetzer Hara?

In preperation for this post regarding the yetzer hara, I recently asked Rabbi Micha Golshevsky, the author of the weekly translations of Rav Itchie Mayer Morgenstern's Torahs, the following question:

I remember reading recently, and I can't remember if it was from you, something about not focusing too much on understanding the yetzer hara, even if it is for the good reason of trying to understand it better in order to beat it. Whatever I read said that this could be dangerous because it will just bring you down, despite the good intentions.

I can't remember who i heard/read this from, or what the person's source was. Do you know where this idea is from?

Below is his response to me, collected from several e-mails in our e-conversation:

In terms of your question, virtually all of mussar and much of chasidus is a study of the yetzer hara, meant to insulate and protect us from its insidious methods. For example, it often causes one not to notice the bad tendencies and spiritual weaknesses within. This way we won't even know to do teshuvah. How can you correct a problem you don't know exists? Another method of the yetzer is rationalization. It is even possible to convince one that what is really a sin is a mitzvah in a particular situation.

However, the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh (in Parshas Achrei Mos, Vayikra, First one in perek 18) says something a little similar to what you wrote. Interestingly Rebbi Nachman says the same thing in Sefer Hamidos, Niuf I #10. He says that you should never get into a claim and counter claim situation (Toen v' nitan) with your tempter. This will make you all the more likely to fail in your challenge, since thinking about it when sorely tempted--even why you should reject it-- evokes the feelings for it from within. Every instant one spends explaining his rejection to the tempter within only serves to weaken his resolve.

Although the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh and Rebbe Nachman, discuss arayos specifically, it seems to me that "toen v'nitan" will not be helpful in other areas of temptation as well. For example: when a person sees a delectable dish, if he debates with himself whether to take an extra helping this will often cause him to overeat. Immediately afterwards he will bemoan, "There goes my diet." or words to that effect. (Sometimes he will bemoan this before he takes the extra cake!)

One needs to break out of the mochin dikatnus, "forgetfulness" of the bad effects of the indulgence, not debate the tempter. We have all heard about the chain-smoking doctor exhorting others of the dangers of smoking. He knows it's wrong intellectually and can even argue and debate the whys and wherefores but this doesn't help him one bit. When the cigarette "calls him," he lights up.

What will work to overcome a nisayon? Passionate prayer often helps. Another method that works (for me) is to pull out a powerful sefer that discusses the problem, open up to a potent piece and "go with it" by yearning for holiness and purity through the inspiration it affords. Sometimes the only thing that will work is to leave the place of temptation as quickly as possible.

On a deeper level, Rebe Nachman teaches that while one experiences a nisayon one loses one's da'as regarding the test. This is the definition of a nisayon, since if one were to retain da'as there would be no nisayon! Why would anyone overeat if he had true da'as and felt the bad feelings of overeating before indulging?

The time to prepare for a nisayon is beforehand. One method to build tools to enable one to refuse to do what is wrong as quickly as possible is studying the methods of the yezter and preparing counter-strategies. It is well known that the Ba'aley Mussar would say that the Chovos Halevavos understood the yetzer hara very intimately, and study of it enables one to understand and resist the yetzer. The "Chovos Hatalmidim" comes to mind as an example of a Chassidic Sefer that discusses understanding the yetzer and how to resist it at length.

Perhaps you also meant that you need to find the correct time to work on the yetzer since if you work on it immediately after a fall, you can fall to depression. This is illustrated in the following story:

Rav Noach of Lechvitch zt"l once said, "If a Jew succumbs to temptation or manifests a character defect, he must not allow himself to fall into the trap of self-absorbed despondency, but must do teshuvah instead.

"This could be compared to two servants of the king who were sent to war, one wise and the other foolish. During the battle, the wise one took a hit, but he decided that the middle of a battlefield is no place to attend to a minor wound. The foolish servant also sustained a minor injury, but he decided to immediately attend to it. He stopped shooting, became an easy target, and was killed immediately.

"Similarly, one who sustains a 'flesh wound' while fighting his inclination could easy fall into depression. But this will destroy his ability to focus on prayer or Torah study, his main weapons in the war! This leaves him completely vulnerable. Every soul is rooted in the olam hata'anug, the supernal world of delight, and anyone who does not feel pleasure in serving Hashem is automatically drawn after material pleasures. The only solution is to immediately change direction by doing teshuvah. This simply means resolving not to do the sin again!"

Rav Nosson discusses at great length a concept first brought in the Ramban in Iyov. Iyov said, "I feared a fear and it came upon me." This teaches a very profound lesson: one who fears literally draws this into one's life. One who focuses on the good and kindnesses in his life will draw even more kindness into his life. The mind is very powerful and the power of visualization is well documented. What we think affects us and those around us. We must think good, positive thoughts and forget the difficulties in our lives. It is enough to deal with them as they crop up. Let us remember the famous Chassidic adage: "Where your mind is, that is where you are!"

Hashem should help us overcome our unique spiritual challenges, each person in his own way!

-Dixie Yid

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