Below, please find this adaptation of Rav Weinberger's drasha from this Shabbos, parshas Va'eira 5779. I usually do not include the personal remarks Rav Weinberger makes for smachos in the shul, but as at the request of one of the fathers of the young couple who just got married on Sunday, I did include these remarks here. Rav Weinberger has reviewed this write-up and any corrections are incorporated herein. Enjoy!
Rav Moshe Weinberger
Parshas Va’eira 5779
Two Types of Leadership
Let
us understand what the Torah teaches us about what it means to be a true Jewish
leader based on one Rashi in this week’s parshah. First, we know
that love comes in two varieties, conditional and unconditional. In the
language of Chazal, these are called “love which is dependent on something” and
“love which is not dependent on something” (Avos 5:16).
Although
there are a wide spectrum of personality traits for both mothers and fathers,
generally speaking, fathers tend more toward conditional love and mothers tend
more toward unconditional love. Children, especially boys, often experience
their fathers as having a strict set of expectations for them. And their
expressions of love are predicated on the fulfillment of those expectations. Many
men find communicating the depth of their love for their children very
difficult unless their hopes, dreams, and expectations for them are met.
Mothers,
on the other hand, generally have an easier time communicating their love for
their children no matter what. Children need to grow up with expectations and
the fatherly love which comes with the fulfillment of those expectations to increase
their chance of success in life. But without that immovable motherly love
undergirding the measures of success they attempt to attain, they cannot
survive. They cannot go on. If a person lacks that foundation of unconditional
love, demands and expectations are likely to completely break a person.
This
dichotomy exists in the two primary ways Hashem expresses Himself in His
relationship with us – as The Holy One Blessed is He (the fatherly expression)
and the Divine Presence (the motherly expression). The masculine side manifests
itself through psukim like, “If you will walk in my
statutes and observe My mitzvos and do them, I shall give you rain in
its time, the earth shall give its produce, and the tree of the field its
fruit” (Vayikra 26:3-4). The promises are predicated by the word “If.”
These expressions of Hashem’s love come with strings attached.
On
the other hand, Hashem manifests His motherly side through psukim like,
“And even when they are in the land of their enemy, I will not despise or hate
them to destroy them to nullify My covenant with them, for I am Hashem their
G-d” (Vayikra 26:44) and “Who dwells with them within their impurity” (Vayikra
16:16). Hashem shows us that He loves us unconditionally, no matter what, and
nothing can sever our connection to Him.
This
parental and Divine dichotomy also presents itself in the two paradigmatic
leaders of our people – Moshe and Aharon. As the Gemara says, “Moshe
would say, ‘Let justice pierce the mountain [i.e., be absolute]’” (Sanhedrin
6b). We explained that fathers often have difficulty expressing their love when
their children do not meet their expectations. As the Maharal explains
in Gevuros Hashem (28), sometimes great, spiritual people are unable to
communicate to others the depth of what is in their heart. As intellectually
lofty as they are, they lack a fully developed power of speech, which is a
lower-order, but critical, faculty.
While
we cannot understand the complexity of Moshe’s greatness, he himself
acknowledged this difficulty when he said, “I am not a man of words” (Shmos
4:10), the last letters of which spell “Shamai” – the tana who
paradigmatically expressed strict judgment. The Torah says about Aharon, on the
other hand, “And he will be a mouth for you” (ibid. 16), the initial letters of
which spell “Hillel” – the tana who paradigmatically expressed mercy. And
it was Hillel who said. “Be of the students of Aharon” (Avos 1:12).
We
see that this dichotomy in their leadership styles played itself out in the
Torah as well. Even though Moshe loved the Jewish people deeply, after the sin
of the golden calf, he distanced himself from them, always placing a veil over
his face (Shmos 34:33) and moving his tent outside the camp )ibid. 33:7) . Moshe ascended Mount
Sinai to commune with Hashem alone, while Aharon remained with the people,
trying to work with them in their confusion and delay their sin, hoping that
Moshe would return before it went too far.
Aharon
was a motherly figure to us, always together with the people, speaking their
language and showing them his love for them. By acting as Moshe’s “mouth,” he was always
there for us to translate what Moshe was saying into language we could
understand. That is why, in the union between Hashem and the Jewish people, Chazal
call Moshe the King’s (Hashem’s) “best man” and Aharon the Bride’s (Jewish
people’s) “maid of honor” (III Zohar 20a).
Which
type of leadership is more important or takes precedence? Strict expectations
or unconditional love? We find the answer in a Rashi in this week’s
parshah on the passuk, “That is Aharon and Moshe” (Shmos 6:26). Rashi
asks, “In some places, the Torah places Aharon before Moshe, and in other
places, it places Moshe before Aharon.” Why does it do this? “To tell us that
they are equal.” The Torah wants us to know that both types of leadership are equally
essential. We need leaders who are not afraid to make demands on their constituents,
who are not satisfied with the status quo. Without this fatherly type of
leadership, we would not grow or elevate ourselves. But without an undergirding
of immovable love, we would lack the emotional wherewithal to survive, much
less achieve what our leaders ask of us.
Now
that we know both types of leadership, Moshe’s and Aharon’s, are equally
essentially, we must ask ourselves which one comes first, and which one comes
second. The Torah explicitly tells us this when it says, “And Moshe was eighty
years old and Aharon was eighty-three years old when they spoke to Pharaoh” (Shmos
7:7). Hashem brought Aharon into the world three years before Moshe to teach us
that when educating our children or leading those in our charge, we will fail
if we do not first establish motherly, Aharon-like love. Attempting to set
expectations and demands without pre-establishing a foundation of love is not a
recipe for success.
There
was once a community leader in the Hungarian community of Tisefird who
commissioned the writing of a Sefer Torah and held a great hachnasas
Sefer Torah ceremony upon its completion in the mid-1800’s. He invited two
great tzadikim from the region to this celebration, Rav Tzvi Hirsch from
Liska zy’a, and Rav Hillel from Kolmaya zy’a. Though these two tzadikim
were equally great, they could not have been more different from one another in
disposition. While both would have liked to spend Shabbos and the beginning of
the week in the wealthy man’s community, Rav Hillel Kolmayer was not able to
come for that Shabbos, but postponed his visit to the following week.
During
his visit the first week, Rav Tzvi Hirsch could not stop himself from praising
the community in general, and the wealthy man hosting the hachnasas Sefer
Torah in particular, for the great honor they showed for the Torah and for
those who study it. He praised the community and blessed them that they should
continue honoring the Torah. Everyone felt elevated and strengthened by the
Rebbe’s visit and his encouraging words.
The
following week with Rav Hillel Kolmayer was completely different. He asked to
speak to the entire congregation Shabbos morning and began by saying, “It is a
shame that the donor of the Sefer Torah is providing a covering for the
Torah but not providing his wife with the proper clothing to cover herself
appropriately.” His message to the community only became harsher from there. He
criticized its departures from traditional Jewish customs as in keeping with
the ways of the “Enlightenment” and influenced by the evil inclination. The
Rebbe’s criticism of the wealthy man in particular, and the community in
general, continued throughout his visit.
After
Rav Hillel had left the community, they were reeling and feeling broken. The
wealthy man sent a messenger to Rav Tzvi Hirsch, ostensibly to ask how he could
reconcile his praise of the community with Rav Hillel’s staunch criticism. In
reality, he was probably hoping to stir up a dispute between the tzaddikim
by obtaining a letter from Rav Tzvi Hirsch criticizing Rav Hillel’s strict
approach. He did not receive the answer for which he hoped.
Rav
Tzvi Hirsch explained that both his and Rav Hillel’s approaches were correct.
As the Torah tells us in parshas Shmos, “And the king of Egypt said to
the Jewish midwives, ones of whose name was Shifra and the name of the second
was Puah” (Shmos 1:15). There are two ways to give life to the Jewish
people. There is the way of Shifra, whose name means “beautiful,” which is to
see the beauty and goodness in others, encouraging them to see the good in
themselves. He said about himself, “I cannot help myself. Hashem made me a ‘Shifra’
Yid. My way is seeing and showing Jews the good in themselves and in others.”
Rav
Tzvi Hirsch continued by telling the messenger that Rav Hillel is a “Puah” Yid.
The name Puah is an onomatopoeia implying that this midwife made “Pu, pu”
sounds to soothe the babies she helped deliver. Thus, Puah is a name implying
speech. Rav Hillel’s way is giving life to the Jewish people by speaking to
them, by giving them mussar. Rav Tzvi Hirsch explained to the wealthy
man’s messenger that the Jewish people need both types of leadership. They need
the Aharon/motherly/Shifra approach to develop the emotional and psychological
wherewithal to believe in themselves. And they need the Moshe/fatherly/Puah
approach to challenge themselves and grow.
May
Hashem grant us leaders, rebbeim, and teachers who know when we need the
Aharon/motherly/unconditional love approach and when we need the
Moshe/fatherly/conditional love approach. And may He open our hearts and our
minds to accept both forms of leadership equally so that we may fulfill our
communal and individual potentials such that we merit bringing the ultimate leader
into this world, Moshiach Tzidkeinu with the arrival of the complete
redemption soon in our days.
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