...It's 10:30 at night and a mid-level associate asks you if you're planning to stay late.
(Caveat: I'm not complaining. I found this exchange sadly amusing, but I like the work, the firm, and the people I work with, and I thank G-d that I am blessed to have a job.)
Showing posts with label BigLaw. Show all posts
Showing posts with label BigLaw. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Monday, December 6, 2010
The Solution for Sanity: Compartmentalize or Connect?
While I knew about it intellectually, I emotionally underestimated the hours and stressfulness of "biglaw." Unfortunately, that stress does not limit itself to the hours I spend in the office. It is affecting my Shabbos and my weekend (non-working) time with the family and this is the most discouraging part.
Background: I operate under the assumption that the extent that the peacefulness that I feel is directly correlated with the extent to which I have internalized the reality of the presence and providence of Hashem.
My first take on how to prevent the stresses of work from invading my personal and spiritual life was to resolve to keep thoughts and feelings related to work in the office, and to leave them there. That would be essentially compartmentalizing my life into a "work" box on one hand and a "personal/spiritual" box on the other hand.
The first problem with this approach is that it is, in my view, one of the major factors underlying a great deal of dishonesty in business, chillul Hashem, and inappropriate speech and socializing by religious people.
My second realization was that it is also not the goal. The goal is to go from a place where one is bringing one's work into his spiritual life to a place where he brings his spiritual life into his work life. This has nothing to do with talking to others about G-d. Rather, it means I must bring my awareness of Hashem from the beis medresh to the office. This unification and connection is the goal of our creation in this world. It is also the way to naturally transform the stress felt in the office into the same peace I sometimes feel which is connected to an awareness of G-d. Compartmentalizing life to stay sane is not the answer.
May you and I be zoche to expand our conscious awareness of Hashem's existence and providence into the most worldly aspects of our lives!
Background: I operate under the assumption that the extent that the peacefulness that I feel is directly correlated with the extent to which I have internalized the reality of the presence and providence of Hashem.
My first take on how to prevent the stresses of work from invading my personal and spiritual life was to resolve to keep thoughts and feelings related to work in the office, and to leave them there. That would be essentially compartmentalizing my life into a "work" box on one hand and a "personal/spiritual" box on the other hand.
The first problem with this approach is that it is, in my view, one of the major factors underlying a great deal of dishonesty in business, chillul Hashem, and inappropriate speech and socializing by religious people.
My second realization was that it is also not the goal. The goal is to go from a place where one is bringing one's work into his spiritual life to a place where he brings his spiritual life into his work life. This has nothing to do with talking to others about G-d. Rather, it means I must bring my awareness of Hashem from the beis medresh to the office. This unification and connection is the goal of our creation in this world. It is also the way to naturally transform the stress felt in the office into the same peace I sometimes feel which is connected to an awareness of G-d. Compartmentalizing life to stay sane is not the answer.
May you and I be zoche to expand our conscious awareness of Hashem's existence and providence into the most worldly aspects of our lives!
Sunday, September 5, 2010
From Uman to Manhattan - Going from the Sefer to the City
Sorry for not being more active recently. As my readers know, I am soon joining the world of "Biglaw". You also know that I am leaving for Uman today.B"H I have received many many names from Jews (and even a Ben Noach) all over the world in the comments of my previous post and by e-mail. IY"H, BL"N, I will have you all in mind when I say the Tikun Klali and give tzedaka by Rebbe Nachman's tziyon, and by the other kivrei Tzadikim as well. I will not be able to take any more names as I will be pretty much incommunicado till I get back next Sunday.
I just received word last last week that I will be starting my new job the day after I return from Uman. This is much earlier than I was expecting. It's amazing how things work out together like that. IY"H this Rosh Hashana process should prepare me for the battle ahead.
Over Shabbos, I saw a Toldos Yaakov Yosef on Parshas Vayelech which which referred to something he said in Parshas Shoftim. He spoke so so clearly about this change that I'm about to embark on. While the job is a huge bracha, it is also contains overwhelming challenges. And this piece, which I have captioned on the right side of this post, offers amazing guidance and something for me to think about as I leave my current "learning vacation" and embark on my commute to, and work-life in, New York City.
He speaks on the pasuk in Parshas Shoftim, Devarim 20:2, which says, "And it will be that when you come close to the war, the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation." (captioned on the right)
I'll adapt the paragraph from the Toldos on that pasuk (captioned) into English: "The Torah says 'And it will be that when you come close...' The Sifri and Rashi (which brings the Sifri) explain that 'come close' refers to when the Jewish people come close to going out from the border ("s'far") of our enemies. This refers to when a person comes close to going out from the sefer [The word for border, s'far, has the same shoresh as the word for Torah book, sefer], and into the city to do business. Immediately, it is a war with the yetzer hara which tries to seduce a person into הסתכלות נשים, speaking gossip, cynicism, and the like. Therefore, one may not trust in the fact that he has been involved in learning Torah until now by [erroneously] thinking that the yetzer hara will not bother him. Instead, [the verse continues] 'the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation.'"
Anyone who goes to work has many challenges if he wants to try and keep his mind in kedusha. It's tough even for a person who has learned much better and longer than I have. In my case, I will even have to walk through (or near) Times Square every day from the train to my office. Sometimes avoiding הסתכלות נשים and the rest of it is so hard that it is easy to think it it is just better to give up. The task is fearsome and the tendency is just to want to stop fighting it and become misgashem like the surrounding, superficial world.
With this Toldos in mind, I went to look at how the psukim continue (also captioned above after the text of the Toldos). What is the chizuk that the Kohain gives the person who's leaving his sefer to go off on the Long Island Rail Road and walk through Manhattan? What does such a person need to keep in mind during that process?
The psukim (Devarim 20:3-4) continue with the Kohain's message: "And he says to them, 'Hear Israel: You are approaching today to make war on your enemy [the yetzer hara]. Don't become weak-hearted. Don't be afraid, don't panic, and don't be terrified of them because Hashem your G-d is going in front of you to fight for you with your enemies to save you."
As the Gemara in Kiddushin 30b says, if Hashem would not help us, we would not be able to beat our yetzer hara on our own ("ואלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו")!
This is such amazing chizuk. I made the psukim, the Rashi, and the text of the Toldos itself, into a card. (Click the image to enlarge and print if you wish.) IY"H, when I get back from Uman I want to laminate it so I can read it before I get on the train every day, at least at the beginning, to remind myself to always ask Hashem to help me fight the big battle for me.
I just received word last last week that I will be starting my new job the day after I return from Uman. This is much earlier than I was expecting. It's amazing how things work out together like that. IY"H this Rosh Hashana process should prepare me for the battle ahead.
Over Shabbos, I saw a Toldos Yaakov Yosef on Parshas Vayelech which which referred to something he said in Parshas Shoftim. He spoke so so clearly about this change that I'm about to embark on. While the job is a huge bracha, it is also contains overwhelming challenges. And this piece, which I have captioned on the right side of this post, offers amazing guidance and something for me to think about as I leave my current "learning vacation" and embark on my commute to, and work-life in, New York City.
He speaks on the pasuk in Parshas Shoftim, Devarim 20:2, which says, "And it will be that when you come close to the war, the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation." (captioned on the right)
I'll adapt the paragraph from the Toldos on that pasuk (captioned) into English: "The Torah says 'And it will be that when you come close...' The Sifri and Rashi (which brings the Sifri) explain that 'come close' refers to when the Jewish people come close to going out from the border ("s'far") of our enemies. This refers to when a person comes close to going out from the sefer [The word for border, s'far, has the same shoresh as the word for Torah book, sefer], and into the city to do business. Immediately, it is a war with the yetzer hara which tries to seduce a person into הסתכלות נשים, speaking gossip, cynicism, and the like. Therefore, one may not trust in the fact that he has been involved in learning Torah until now by [erroneously] thinking that the yetzer hara will not bother him. Instead, [the verse continues] 'the Kohain will approach and speak to the nation.'"
Anyone who goes to work has many challenges if he wants to try and keep his mind in kedusha. It's tough even for a person who has learned much better and longer than I have. In my case, I will even have to walk through (or near) Times Square every day from the train to my office. Sometimes avoiding הסתכלות נשים and the rest of it is so hard that it is easy to think it it is just better to give up. The task is fearsome and the tendency is just to want to stop fighting it and become misgashem like the surrounding, superficial world.
With this Toldos in mind, I went to look at how the psukim continue (also captioned above after the text of the Toldos). What is the chizuk that the Kohain gives the person who's leaving his sefer to go off on the Long Island Rail Road and walk through Manhattan? What does such a person need to keep in mind during that process?
The psukim (Devarim 20:3-4) continue with the Kohain's message: "And he says to them, 'Hear Israel: You are approaching today to make war on your enemy [the yetzer hara]. Don't become weak-hearted. Don't be afraid, don't panic, and don't be terrified of them because Hashem your G-d is going in front of you to fight for you with your enemies to save you."
As the Gemara in Kiddushin 30b says, if Hashem would not help us, we would not be able to beat our yetzer hara on our own ("ואלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו אין יכול לו")!
This is such amazing chizuk. I made the psukim, the Rashi, and the text of the Toldos itself, into a card. (Click the image to enlarge and print if you wish.) IY"H, when I get back from Uman I want to laminate it so I can read it before I get on the train every day, at least at the beginning, to remind myself to always ask Hashem to help me fight the big battle for me.
IY"H, we should all be zoche to renew our battle against the yetzer hara throughout the day every day, and we should be zoche to win in that battle and win on the Yom Hadin this week.
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Click here to get Dixie Yid in your e-mail Inbox or here to subscribe in Google Reader.
Please donate to my son's cheder by going to minivanraffle.org to buy a raffle ticket. The drawing for a new minivan, car, or $20,000 cash will be IY"H Chanukah time. $100 for 1 ticket. $360 for 5. Where the form says "Referred by," please write "Dixie Yid." Tizku l'mitzvos!
Monday, July 26, 2010
Am I Wrong to Join the Rat Race?
A particular piece from the Me'or Einayim in Parshas Ve'eschanan struck me hard this past Shabbos. This is particularly so because I'm working hard studying for the bar exam now (which I'm taking tomorrow and the next day). The piece also struck me because I'm planning on earning my "gold and silver" working very long hours at the job I'm IY"H starting in November. Here's a summary/translation of the relevant parts from the middle of the first piece in Ve'eschanan: I know that later in the fall, IY"H, I'll be working very long hours. This sounds like I'm falling right into the yetzer hara's trap. On the other hand, since I cannot think of any alternative right now which wouldn't constiute a dereliction of my duties as a husband, father and Jew, how could I not do what I'm planning to do?The root of all of the desires, pleasures, and ways of this world are "gold" and "silver." Money is the means through which one can attain all of the desires and pleasures of this world. But their source in the upper world are Ahava (love of Hashem, in the case of silver) and Yirah (fear of Hashem, in the case of gold). [Reb Nachum then proves this with various verses] Since gold and silver are rooted in Ahavas Hashem and Yiras Hashem, the verse "Mine is the silver and mine is the gold," (Chagai 2:8) applies to it. And "mine = for my sake." Meaning that silver (love, desires) and gold (fear and anxiety) are meant as means to come to love of Hashem and Yiras Hashem.
When man desires gold and silver, runs after it day and night wihtout rest, chases after his livelihood, and amasses wealth, he falls into the trap of the yetzer hara. This in turn results in one being cut off continually from the Creator of the world. This is a trap laid out before all of the living. In fact, most people in the world come to sin by cutting into others' livelihood, hurting others financially, stealing, and the like. Such people do not believe in the fact that everyone has only what Hashem desires them to have and has absolutely nothing from anyone else (Yuma 38b). This is why the 600,000 letters of the Torah (which correspond to the 600,000 souls of the Jewish people) cannot touch one another in a Sefer Torah; because even though the Torah is one unit, each letter (and Jewish soul) is separate and one may not touch that which is designated for another person. (Ibid.)
If one is smart and knows and believes this (that all of the desires and fears of this world are meant as means to assist one in drawing himself close to the root of those desires and fears, Ahavas Hashem and Yiras Hashem), then he would not run after his livelihood day and night. And as Shlomo Hamelech (source?) said, "אם לא היה האדם רודף אחר פרנסתו, היה פרנסתו רודפת אחריו." "If one would not chase after his livelihood, his livelihood would run after him."
It is the nature of things on a lower level to run after things on a higher level to be nullified into them and elevated through them. The majority of the world who run after the physical world, and are cut off from Hashem, place themselves on a lower level than the physical things of this world, which are rooted in the highest levels of Ahava and Yirah. Therefore, they run after gold, silver, and livelihood all of the time because those things exist on a higher level than them.
But a Jewish soul that is connected to the Creator of the world and runs after Ahavas Hashem and Yiras Hashem directly (as opposed to running after making a living, gold, and silver, etc.) is thereby connected to the ultimate source. Such a person is therefore on a higher level than all of the gold and silver which are less connected to the Divine source than this Jew is because they are a more constricted (lower) form of that light. This is why this person's livelihood runs after him; because he is on a higher level than it is.
If a person does as he should do, as we mentioned above, the livelihood which is designated to him will run after him so that it can be elevated through him to its root from which it came...
I think at my current level of lack of connectedness to Hashem, if I tried to go back to not working too hard, it would not work in any case. My wife pointed out an analogy to what is says in Eruvin 13b, that when one runs after gedula, gedula runs away, but if one runs away from gedula, gedula persues him. She correctly pointed out that when one runs away from greatness, but is looking over his shoulder, hoping greatness will follow, he is still essentially running after it. Here too, if I did not pursue a livelihood fully, hoping that it would chase after me, I would essentially still be running after it and would certainly not merit Shlomo Hamelech's (?) promise!
I'm not sure there are any real answers here. The best I can figure it, if I can remind myself in tiny hisbodedus'n through each day that everything I'm running after are rooted in Elokus and if I ask Hashem constantly to help me elevate the hidden Elokus in everything I'm involved in to its source, then maybe I'll increase my connecttion to Hashem. And if do that, maybe in a few years some non-hishtadlus-intensive parnasa will just come knocking at my door, just begging me to leave the rat race behind and spend a lot more time on Avodas Hashem... Who knows...
Picture courtesy of istockphoto. Please donate to my son's cheder by going to minivanraffle.org to buy a raffle ticket. The drawing for a new minivan, car, or $20,000 cash will be IY"H Chanukah time. $100 for 1 ticket. $360 for 5. Where the form says "Referred by," please write "Dixie Yid." Tizku l'mitzvos! Click here to get Dixie Yid in your e-mail Inbox or here to subscribe in Google Reader.
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