Guest Post - Serving Hashem with a Broken Heart - Poetry and Pain

I am happy to share the following guest post which was written a couple of weeks ago by a reader who would like to remain anonymous. This is a beautiful, sad, and heartfelt essay that grapples with applying teachings of Breslov and Piaczezna chassidus to real-life challenges and pain. You can read about some of the background concepts that underlie this piece in some of my past posts, like this one discussing the soul's basic need for sensation, any sensation. And also this post and this follow-up one discussing the fundamental reality that one must first destroy the old in order to build something new and greater in its place.

One mans search for meaning in a broken heart

 

“The worst feeling in the world is no feeling at all. A prisoner to passivity, the lacking of connectivity.

Longing to escape this monotonous place, with hopes of arriving at an elated state.

The only thing I feel is the shower drip, the burning hot is quite a trip

With a weak attempt to clear off the dirt, I really just want to know I can still hurt
As the burning hot water leaves its mark I only wish my  soul would feel it and spark

In most it flickers while mine just dwindles, hoping for something to help it rekindle
Created to fight and destined to slumber I wish I could cry as my innards continue to dissemble”

A short while ago, the girl I was dating broke up with me. The pain was pretty overwhelming. I couldn’t eat, read, concentrate, converse with people, the very state of being conscious was just too painful. How could one put in to words the pain of losing such a large part of who they were and what they invested in? The echoes from a recently hollowed space in my heart reverberated throughout my soul. It made me greatly question the value of dating and marriage. Why should I risk the potential mind numbing pain that accompanies such heartache? 

The soul is often compared to a candle. A candles flame dances and sways as it flickers in the darkness. So to the soul, its natural state being one of turmoil. The soul has a need to love, feel, and experience. When we are exposed to pain, we instinctually hide that pain behind a veil of cynicism and denial. With this veil draped over our senses, we not only numb ourselves to the pain, but we also hinder our potential to feel joy.

We must understand that every yeridah and aliyah is just another beautiful note on the musical scale of life. Its imperative to remember that every time we trip or stumble, its really just a beautiful melody or dance move in disguise. Our job isn’t to deny and hide the fact that we're struggling but its rather to show the world the potential beauty that lies within that struggle. The beautiful reality that every yeridah brings about the possibility of an even greater aliyah.

The story of the redemption of the Jewish people is always preceded by darkness. The night proceeds the day in the Jewish religion, but we know that the first thought of G-D was the last act in creation. Which means G-d only created the darkness in order to make the light that much greater and magnificent. 

Emunah isn’t ignoring our feelings of despair. Emunah means I have the realization that this pain is very real and deep, but at the same time understanding its an essential experience in the process of creating the new and much improved self. We must acknowledge the heartache, embrace the pain, and mold our experiences in to something meaningful. Life is a constant search for that spark of goodness that’s hidden within the paralyzing darkness.

So yes, I could choose complacency, a life that’s numb to the calling and searching of my soul for its greater half. But wouldn’t I be missing out on the beauty of this world? Because life is not just an assortment of joyous occasions that are arbitrarily strung together. The beauty of growth lies within the ebb and flow of life’s waves, navigated by the souls longing to feel. The lows experienced during this voyage of creating oneself are just as essential as the highs.

So that’s why its worth it. Its worth putting it all on the line again because in the end of the day its really the only option we have. A life without feeling is barely a life at all. And a loving heart that’s never been broken doesn’t really know what it means to love.

We must have faith in G-d, our self, and others. We must not be afraid to share our feelings and struggles with those who are close to us. A Jew must never forget that when all else fails, the gates of tears are never closed.  Although the world tells us it’s a sign of weakness to cry, in reality it’s precisely the opposite. And those who never cry, will never truly experience what it means to laugh. So cry, cry because your entitled to. Cry because it will help you. Cry now because soon you will be laughing. A laughter that will be so great it will fill your mouth. A laughter that will only be as strong and meaningful as your tears had previously been. So lets stand up, light the candle, and spread the light of the broken hearted.

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Stories From the Zohar - First in a Series of Articles by Rabbi Yaakov Feldman

The Book of Radiance: Stories from the Zohar
By Rabbi Yaakov Feldman

1. The Stories in the Torah

Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai, the sage behind most of the teachings of the Zohar, once offered a remarkable statement there about the Torah … and about the holy Zohar itself (3:152a).

“Woe to those who say that the Torah only came to relate simple stories and foolish tales!” he warned. For, “if that were so, why, then even we ourselves could create a ‘Torah’ with foolish tales -- and even better ones!”

What an astounding thing to say! But how could he ever say that about the Torah, which “existed 974 generations before the world was created” (Zevachim 116a), which “G-d took council (with) before He created the world” (Pirkei d’Rebbe Eliezer 3), which is “one of the three things thanks to which the world is sustained” (Pirkei Avot 1:2), and without which “heaven and earth couldn’t continue to exist” (Petachim 68b)?

Rabbi Shimon didn’t stop there, though. He went on to say that “if (the Torah only came) to address material matters” as it sometimes seems to, “then our leaders would have better stories to tell, so we should follow their example and produce (such) a ‘Torah’”.

He ended his point there, though, and offered the following insight.
“The truth of the matter is that all the words of the Torah are exalted and (contain) arcane mysteries.” They aren’t at all what they seem to be. And his point is that it’s the job of the Zohar to reveal those secrets.

All kinds of mysteries and secrets are discussed in the Zohar: the secret details about creation, about the ways of the angels and the tzaddikim, about the meaning of life, about the purpose of this mitzvah and that one, about the Jewish Holydays, as well as about birth and death, happiness and sadness, and much more.

“Come and see,” Rabbi Shimon goes on …. “It’s said of the angels (that G-d) ‘formed His angels (as pure) spirits’ (Psalms 104:4), yet when they descend down here the angels don earthly clothing”. Why -- “because if they wouldn’t, they couldn’t function in this world, and the world couldn’t endure them”. That is, seeing them in their native clothes of bright, celestial light would be too intense to bear, so they have to “dress down”, as the expression goes.

“Now, if that’s true of angels,” he says, “then how much more so is it true of the Torah … which all the worlds exist thanks to!” Shouldn’t it “don earthly clothing”, too? After all, who could stare straight ahead at the Torah in all its celestial light?

So in fact “the Torah did do that when it was conveyed to this world, (because) if it didn’t don worldly garments, the world couldn’t bear it.” The point is that “the Torah’s stories are its ‘garments’” and the Torah has to don them so that we can handle it.

And so, for example, when the Torah speaks about the various goings-on of our ancestors or about the sights and sounds it depicts in one story or another, it isn’t just passing information on to us and trying to catch our interest -- it’s stowing away a clue here and there about the secrets of the universe.

Rabbi Shimon goes on to offer this parable about our naiveté when it comes to this.

“Come and see!” he says, “when simple folks see someone dressed beautifully they (look at his garment alright, but they) don’t look any further. In fact, they look at his outfit as if it was his body, and they look at his body as if it were his soul”.

That’s to say, when some people see someone’s clothes they look at it as if they were actually catching sight of the person behind it, when they’re really not. After all, they think they’re looking right at a person’s soul when they look at him face to face.

“It’s the same thing when it comes to the Torah” Rabbi Shimon says. “For it (too) has a ‘body’ … (which) wears (different) garments, and they’re the Torah’s stories” that cover-over the Torah’s “body”.

“Simple folk only look at that garment, which is the stories in the Torah, and are oblivious to everything else. They don’t consider what’s beneath it”.

“Those who know a thing or two” on the other hand, “don’t (just) look at the garment -- they look at the body beneath”, which is far more splendid.

“But the wise -- those who are servants of the great King and who stood at Mount Sinai (when the Torah was given, and thus know what they’re looking at) look at the (Torah’s) soul …” to be sure, which is stupendous. But it’s not the ultimate.

For “in times to come, (these same people) will actually be able to look at the soul of the Torah’s soul”, which is to say, at its inner essence.

And so we learn that the Torah is alive, that it wears splendid clothes that are rich in texture, and that somewhere deep within the seams and pockets, along the edges, and along its contours the Torah itself calls out to us!

“Woe to the wrongful who say that the Torah is just (a collection of) stories!” says Rabbi Shimon in the end. ”For they only look at the garment and no further”.

“Praised are the righteous,” on the other hand, “who see the Torah as it should be seen”.

May we ourselves be counted among the righteous!

© 2010 Rabbi Yaakov Feldman

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How Much Time Daily Should I Spend on My Purpose in Life?

I recently received the e-mail below from a friend, asking for my thoughts on how he should allocate his time for a certain aspect of what he feels is perhaps his "life's work," the reason why he was placed on this earth. If you can, think about his question and my response to him. Perhaps you would have answered differently. Is there anything you would like to add? How do you approach the issue in your own life? Here's his question:

Recently I have been giving a lot of thought to whether I am spending enough time each day working on [a certain] project. On one hand, I am working on it at least 30 minutes a day/5 days a week. However, on the other hand, if this project is one of the reasons Hashem put me on the earth, then 30 minutes is certainly not enough.

Any thoughts?

And here was my response:

I don't know know if there's any connection between the thoughts that if something is one of the reasons one is created that one necessarily has to spend more than half an hour a day on that thing. Is it ratzon Hashem for you to spend more than 1/2 an hour a day on it? Well that would depend. What are the alternatives? If you did spend more time, would you not have enough time to be ma'avir sedra or to learn Gemara or halacha or whatever your other sedorim are? If spending more time on it would mean doing something that you have reason to believe is against ratzon Hashem, then that would imply that spending "only" 1/2 an hour a day on your project is ratzon Hashem.

And also, what do you mean by saying that the project is "one of the reasons why Hashem put you on earth?" If you mean that on its literal level (that it is one of many reasons why Hashem created you), then what about the example of politely smiling and thanking the check-out person at the grocery store? If it's ratzon Hashem for you to do that at the moment you finish your transaction with her, then that too is "one of the reasons Hashem put you on earth." Does that mean that you should davka spend more than 1/2 an hour smiling at check out girls? Obviously not.

Everything that it is ratzon Hashem for one to do at any given moment is "one" of the reasons why Hashem created him. But the amount of time one should spend on that thing depends on what ratzon Hashem says is the appropriate amount of time to be spent on that thing. For pleasantly thanking check out clerks, that's probably about 1 second. For learning kitzur shulchan aruch yomi, it's probably the amount of time it takes to learn that, let's say 10 minutes.

For your project, my personal opinion on how to "divine" what the amount of time is that Hashem wants you to spend on it is: See how much time you have after all of the other things you have to do. And then ask yourself where you would get the time from if you increased how much time you spent on it. (e.g., some other learning seder, sleep time, family time, work time...) Then ask yourself whether, in the aggregate, you'd be failing to fulfill what Hashem wants of you in those other areas of life. If so, then perhaps 1/2 an hour a day *is* what Hashem wants from you. If not, then you know you should increase the time since it sounds like you feel a pull to increase the time.

Make any sense?

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Purim is Not Jewish Halloween! - Essay & Shiur on Purim by R' Boruch Leff

Click on THIS LINK to get a shiur by Rabbi Boruch Leff called "Purim is Not for Men Only." See also his essay on the topic, "Purim is Not a Jewish Haloween!":

The upcoming holiday of Purim is a real struggle. On the one hand, we know that the Arizal stated that Purim is an even holier day than Yom Kippur. Yom HaKippurim is Yom kePurim which means that it is a day like Purim, meaning Purim is greater. Purim is holier. Purim then is perhaps the holiest day of the year.

Is that how you feel on Purim? Do you feel more focused and closer to Hashem than you do on Yom Kippur? It’s very hard to experience Purim this way. After
all, no one gets dressed up as clowns on Yom Kippur. No one would ever mistake Yom Kippur with a Jewish ‘Mardi-Gras’ or describe Yom Kippur as a Jewish Halloween. But sometimes this is said about Purim. After all, that’s the way Purim appears externally.

I am fully aware that there are legitimate sources which justify all of the fun and frolic of Purim. The miracle of Purim occurred through hester panim, which means that Hashem directed the salvation in a hidden manner. The custom to wear masks and costumes (see Remo in Shulchan Aruch O.Ch. 696:8 for one source) is based on this.

I do not wish to be a party pooper. I love Purim parties. I do not say that the standard emphasis we have on cute mishloach manos, fun costumes, and even more fun Purim shpiels and parties are forbidden. I too have engaged in my share of them.

But I ask one question: is the way we celebrate Purim the ideal way to truly spiritually experience Purim? Is the way we experience Purim a testimony to the Arizal’s comment that Purim is a holier day than Yom Kippur? Should we spend more time on our Purim plays, preparing our costumes and delivering our creative mishloach manos theme or more time learning and davening on Purim?

When we learn the following I believe we will have our answer.

Rav Moshe Wolfson writes (Parshas Tezaveh, Emunas Itecha 5752) that the month of Adar is a special eis ratzon (a propitious spiritual time). He quotes the Zohar who says that the four months of Adar, Nissan, Iyar and Sivan are more favorable for prayer than any other time of the year. The Zohar writes that the entire month of Adar is on the same level as mincha on Shabbos Kodesh, a time of extreme spiritual power, when we say v'ani tefilasi lecha Hashem eis ratzon.

Furthermore, we find a remarkable halacha concerning tzedaka on Purim. "Whoever stretches out their hand on Purim should be given tzedakah" (Talmud Yerushalmi, Megilah 1,4) The Shulchan Aruch (694:3) paskins this. Whoever asks on Purim receives. Many sources (Toras Emes, Divrei Yechezkhel, Rav Mordechai of Lechovitch) say that this alludes to our prayers as well. Just as on Purim we give tzedaka to any supplicant in need, so too on Purim does Hashem give to all who entreat Him in prayer. Although Hashem listens to tefilos all year round, there are aspects of our tefilos that may prevent them from being answered. On Purim, however, we may be confident that our prayers will be answered and we will not be sent away empty- handed. We should recognize the power that sincere prayer has on this day, and utilize it to its maximum. Many seforim and rabbanim suggest that we rise early on Purim morning and daven slowly, with proper concentration.

This is said regarding tefila and Purim. There is another element associated with talmud Torah and Purim.
Purim is the holiday in which we express that HaKadosh Baruch Hu is with us even in hester panim. We do this through a full Kabalas Hatorah as Klal Yisrael did at the time of Purim. Rav Yaakov Weinberg, ztl understood that all of the mitzvos that we are required to perform on Purim relate to Matan Torah.

The mishloach manos and matanos l'evyonim exist in order to create achdus-unity which Klal Yisrael had and must have in order to accept Torah. We are part of an Am; not individuals. We realize that we must learn to appreciate everyone in the nation. Vayichan sham Yisrael neged hahar-k’ish echad b’lev echad.

This is the concept of 'Ezehu Chacham HaLomed Mikol Adam'- every person has something we can learn from and if we are true seekers of truth we will seek out truth wherever we can get it, even if it is from those we consider lower than us.
In order to accept Torah we must be extremely modest-this is why Moshe was the one who gave us Torah, he was the 'Anav Mikol Adam'. We have to realize
that we don't know everything and we are 'Lo yodim'- as in the mitzvah of drinking on Purim-ad de’lo yada. This is the only way we can accept the authority of Hashem and be’ mekabel Marus’ to Him. The explanation in the ad de’lo yada on Purim is that the only way we can be mekabel Torah is through being mevatel our daas to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Just as in Naaseh Venishma, we need to become "Lo Yodim"-we do not know anything without HaKadosh Baruch Hu. We must re-accept the Torah on Purim in this way.

This explains why we are supposed to get drunk until we 'don't know' the difference between Mordechai and Haman. We must become 'lo yodim', eliminating all of our preconceived notions and make ourselves like a midbar, as Chazal say, in order to accept Torah. The Seudas Purim is a seudas hodaah, thanking HaKadosh Baruch Hu for bringing us close to Him to accept His Torah.

Rav Yaakov Weinberg explained that the lashon of Chazal is a person should be "Lebesumei". It does not say "Lihishtakurei". It does not mean that one should get drunk as if getting drunk were the goal. Rather, "Lebesumei" means to indulge, to enjoy, to be involved in physical pleasure with an ambiance. The drinking is an obligation to drink until you reach a level of Ad Delo Yada. . . But you do not have to get there. You just keep drinking and enjoying and if you happen to get to Ad Delo Yada you become exempt. This is why the Rambam says that you drink until you fall asleep and then you're 'Lo yada'. But you don't have to and you shouldn't get drunk until "Shichruso shel Lot". We see that the 'Lo Yada' is a status which comes before you are totally 'out of it' because you are still aware in general but just not aware of the difference between Haman and Mordechai. So one should drink and indulge but one should not just get drunk-it's the atmosphere that counts-'lebesumei'.

Having learned all this, we ask again how we can treat Purim as the holiest day of the year and yet emphasize Purim shpiels, cute jokes, and clowns? (Not to mention inappropriate drinking, smoking, and worse.)

I’ve worn silly costumes before on Purim. But have you ever seen a Gadol wear a silly costume on Purim? If we are trying to grow with passion on Purim, can we do it wearing a silly costume and engaging in the standard Purim fun fare? I wonder.
You are welcome to e-mail any comments or questions.

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Will My Davening Ever Bring Such Nachas to the Aibishter? - Guest Post

A fellow newly discovered jblogger from Dixie wrote the following, but didn't want to post it under his own name because of the people involved in the story. But it's a nice reminder about what davening really means.

I just began reading Rabbi Twerski’s book, Twerski on Prayer. I have had it for awhile but just starting it. In the introduction, he writes about rote davening vs. real davening and recalls a visit to the Kosel where he felt he was really davening well and noticed a guy talking to the Abishter about his day and things that were important to him. the guy stopped in mid-sentence and said something like “oh, I told you that yesterday.” Rabbi Twerski then thought about how his davening was so ineffective compared to this yid who could just talk to G-d.

Last shabbos, some dixie-town alumni were back in town with their kids, one of whom has Downs Syndrome. I saw this on a the link from a blog you e-mailed to me, and had a similar experience to the one Twerski wrote about. This boy has no hesitation about singing out in shul and came up for the end of the service with his brother and for adon olam. His speech is barely understandable. And his singing, such as with Ein Kelokainu or Adon Olam for instance, produces loud sounds with an occasional syllable from which the listener can make out something familiar.

During Adon Olam, when all the kids go up, my youngest, the 5 year old, kept turning around to look at this family's son, who would wave him to turn back around. And then it hit me that these sounds that he was making were so pure, so real. Real davening. He was unconcerned about those people around him even though he certainly knows that he doesn’t sound the way the “regular” people sound, but he was not at all ashamed or uneasy. I had started having fancy thoughts of "tircha on the tzibor" vs. rachmanas on the family, but then it hit me. My davening may never penetrate so many gates, so quickly, and so innocently bring nachas to the Abishter.

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The Humility to Change Direction

Check out this great post by Neil Harris at Modern Uberdox on the Alter of Slabodka and how he recognized the changing nature of the generation and switched direction accordingly!

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Piaczena Yohrtzeit Torah and Famous Moishele Good Shabbos Story

BS"D

NOACH 5770: LOOKING OUT

ON THE 66^TH YARTZEIT OF THE HOLY PIASECZNER REBBE ZT"L HY"D, 4 CHESHVAN 5770

By Rav Zvi Leshem

Rebbe Kalonymus Kalmish Shapira was martyred 66 years ago today. In his 1929 drasha for Parshat Noach[1] he addresses the famous dispute regarding the comparative righteousness of Noach as compared to that of Avraham.[2] His conclusion is that whereas Avraham spread monotheism throughout the world, making many converts, Noach was concerned only with saving his own sons. Avraham was constantly looking outwards, towards all of humanity, to teach the true service of the Divine, but Noach, although he was a Zaddik, had a very narrow agenda of familial spirituality and was unconcerned with the religious welfare of his generation.[3]

This distinction has strong roots in earlier Chassidic literature. Reb Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev[4] also sees the two figures as two different models of Zaddikim. For Reb Levi Yitzchak, famous as the defender of Am Yisrael, the main difference between Noach and Avraham was in their attitudes towards the people around them. Noach walked with G-d, that is to say, only with G-d whom he served, but he did not walk with other people in order to bring them close [to Divine service]. Thus Noach also made no attempt to rebuke his contemporaries, nor did he pray to HaShem on their behalf. He rather accepted the Divine decree of destruction passively. This is in dramatic contrast to Avraham, whom we know devoted his life to spreading the word of the L-rd and making converts. He also prayed to avert the Divine decree of destruction from the depraved populace of Sodom.[5]

How did the Piaseczner put this insight into practice? In his Letter to Parents and Teachers, that serves as the introduction to his 1932 revolutionary education classic, Chovat HaTalmidim, the Rebbe writes as follows regarding the trend in his time of young Chassidic youth "going off the derech": The yeshiva heads are only concerned with their own yeshivot and students, and they are only concerned with the "best" boys. They comfort themselves saying "while it is true that there are now a lot of irreligious Jews, but there are also a lot of fine Tora students and servants of HaShem. But they also need to look outside of their yeshivot, and see the massive numbers of the irreligious…are we to be satisfied with the mere handful of students in our yeshivot, is that all of Am Yisrael?[6]

The message is clear. Am Yisrael needs leaders who do not only think about the needs of their particular group, or of the Tora "elite" but who, like the holy Piaseczner Rebbe himself, have the needs of the entire Jewish People at hand. May the merit of the holy Rebbe protect all of Klal Yisrael, and may his Tora continue to guide us in true Chassideshe Avodat HaShem. May we merit the speedy fulfillment of the words of the Mashiach to the holy Baal Shem Tov, that when the wellsprings of Chassidic teachings and mystical practices spread throughout the world, the Redemption will occur.

Shabbat Shalom.

---

[1] Derech HaMelech pp. 5- 9.

[2] See Rashi, Bereshit 6:9 s.v. B'Dorotav.

[3] There is however an opinion that Noach did rebuke his fellows (unsuccessfully). See Tora Shlama 155 and 171 in the name of the Yemenite Midrash HaGadol.

[4] Kedushat Levi s.v. Eleh.

[5] For another discussion on two models of Zaddikim, see Noam Elimelech, Veyechi, s.v. Vayikach, regarding Ephraim and Menashe.

[6] Chovat HaTalmidim, p. 12.

Dixie Yid 10/23/09 Update: R' Leshem just e-mailed out a recording of Rav Shlomo himself singing the "Moishele Good Shabbos" nigun. ENJOY!

Dearest Friends,

Sometimes, as hard as it might to be to sit and write, you just gotta share… no matter what.

This past Wednesday night changed my life forever, but before telling you exactly why, PLEASE refresh your memory, and open your hearts to one of the Reb Shlomo's most powerful moments in his life.

Reb Shlomo ztz'l:

Ok, I don't want to tell you sad stories, it's not really sad, maybe a little bit, but it's a gevalt. Every person needs, especially our children, we should have our fathers and mothers for a long time. We also all need Rebbes, and then every person, once or twice in your life, you meet somebody and it mamesh reaches you so much that it mamesh carries you your whole life. So one of my Rebbes, which I saw just twice or three times in my life, was a Yid and his name was Reb Moshe.

My father was a Rabbi in Baden Bei Din, in Austria, and here comes 1938. I don't want to mention their name in shul, but they mamesh they took over. And you know in Germany it was not so dangerous yet to walk on the street. In Vienna it was mamesh dangerous from the first day on. Yidden couldn't go to shul anymore, especially my father.

So Shabbos morning it was only dangerous from 8 o'clock on, but between 5 and 8 in the morning it was less dangerous. So my father made a minyan in the house. People would come at six o'clock, mamesh they davened so fast mamesh, Kriyas Hatorah would go so fast because everyone wanted to be home before 8.

My brother and I were little kids. When you don't see people all week long, you are mamesh hungry to see a person. So I remember my twin brother and I, we were nearly up all Friday night. We couldn't wait mamesh, we wanted to open the door for the minyan.

At six o'clock, a knock at the door, mamesh to see a yid mamesh standing there with Pachad, afraid. I open the door a little bit and he would slip through the door, and then I close the door fast.

But then one Shabbos, I remember it was Parshas Bamidbar. I open the door. I see mamesh a Yid with little peyis, like most Rizhiner chassidim, they didn't have big beards. They just have a little beard. But this yid? He's not afraid. He started singing:

Good Shabbos good Shabbos. Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Oy Good Shabbos good Shabbos, Good Shabbos.

This Yid was mamesh in another world.

Finally he walked in and he walks up and down and the whole time he is singing Good Shabbos good Shabbos.

Then he turns to me, I'm a little boy and he says to me in Yiddish, "what is your name, what is your name,"

So I didn't want to chas v'shalom stop the melody, so I answered him back singing, "my name is Shlomo, what is your name."

He said "Moishele, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Oy Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos."

So my brother and I called him "Moishele Good Shabbos"

I want you to know, he came in for the minyan and we began to daven fast. And you know, basically when it comes to Nishmas Kol Chai you are not permitted to talk, but obviously Reb Moishele, nebech, couldn't hold back. He said to the chazzan 'you are davening down instead of davening up. Your tefillahs have to go up and the way you daven everything goes down because you daven so fast.' And he was crying. Listen to what he says. He says, yidden, maybe this is the last Shabbos we are saying Nishmas Kol Chai. Is this the way to say Nishmas Kol Chai?

So the chazzan said, I don't know any better.

I'll remember it till Mashiach is coming. Moishele walks to the amud.

I want you to all to sing with me softly. He started singing: Nishmas Kol Chai Tevarech Es Shimcha Hashem Elokeinu Veru'ach Kol Basar Tefa'er Useromem...

But you know friends, he davened the whole davening with this niggun. Even chazaras hashatz, kedushah. Then they lained, and by that time it was already 10:30 but nobody mamesh cared. Moishele mamesh lifted up the whole, nobody had fear anymore.

Finally the davening was over around 11 and my mother brought in wine to make Kiddush. And I want you to know, the whole time the windows were closed and the shades were down. Moishele says, when you make Kiddush, you have to open the windows. You have to say Kiddush for the whole world.

I mean it's crazy. People started saying Moishele, this is just too much. The people in the street want to kill us.

Mamesh I'll never forget it. Moishele says, who are they, the children of Esav? He says, they are our cousins. You know why Esav is Esav? Because he forgot what Shabbos is. Maybe if some Yid is saying V'shamru B'Nei Yisrael Es Hashabbos, maybe Esav will remember what he learned by Yitzchak.

He opened the windows and Moishele was mamesh standing by the window and mamesh you could see the Germans walking up and down the street. It was Min Hashamayim, He mamesh had the wine outside of the window and he was singing:

"V'shamru B'nei Yisroel Ess haShabbos….."

After davening my parents invited him to eat with us and Moisheleh began telling us, mamesh so much b'tzniyus, half telling half not telling. He says, I want you to know I am on the black list of the Germans. Suddenly we remembered, Moisheleh's picture was on every street corner. It said 'the most wanted Jew by the Furor.'

What was his avodah? What was he doing? If you remember thousands of Yidden were arrested and nebech, their wives and children were dying from hunger. Moishele was up all night carrying food to every house.

This was Parshas Bamidbar, and on Pesach he mamesh brought matza to 2000 families in Vienna, gevalt.

So they were looking for him and one night he says they caught him and hit him over the head but mamesh at that moment, he said that the Ribbono Shel Olam gave me koach, he turned himself away and ran off. So he says, during the day I cannot walk on the street so I'll stay here.

Then he says to us, I want to come again, most probably I'll come Wednesday night. Now friends.,I want you to know how shabbosdik he was. He says I'll come Wednesday night and it will be around 4 o'clock and I will knock on the door 7 times l'Kovod Shabbos and you'll know it's me.

And again, the way my house was that my brother and I slept closest to the outside door.

And I mamesh could not sleep all night, waiting for Moishele Good Shabbos to come.

At around 4:30 we hear mamesh a subtle knocking 7 times. We open the door and Moishele is standing by the door singing:

Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos

We asked him where is this niggun from. Moishele told us that he was in Lublin on Rosh Hashana, davening with the Breslover chassidim. He heard it there from the old chassidim who said that his was the niggun which Reb Nachman himself davened too. It was the first time we ever heard of Reb Nachman.

He stayed in our house all night long singing. That was the last time I saw him.

We left for America and my brother I went to Mesivtah Toras VaDa'as. Everyone that came to the Mesivtah … we mamesh taught them the niggun "good Shabbos."

Later on I had the privilege of meeting young people, especially in San Francisco. I had the house of love and prayer, it was a gevalt. Baruch Hashem, I want you to know, this niggun mamesh turned on hundreds of thousands of people to Shabbos. Not to be believed.

The most important thing is that I taught all those kids that even on Wednesday night we say good Shabbos. We are living in an age before Mashiach, we cannot wait till Shabbos to say good Shabbos. You can say good Shabbos all the time.

Anyway, this all took place 1938, and in the meantime, time is flying. And I don't want to tell you bad things but just open your hearts. A few years ago I walk on the street in Tel Aviv on Ben Yehuda by street, by the Yarkon. Suddenly a Yiddele from Vienna see me. Aren't you Shlomo Carlebach, and I said yes. 'Do you remember Moishele, you know, Moishele from Vienna?'

Somehow it struck me and I said, you mean Moishele Good Shabbos? Is he still alive? maybe he's in Bnei Brak, Gevalt! Who knows where he is!

He says, let's go down, there's a little park by the river and I'll tell you the story.

He says, I want you to know I was one the closest friends of Moishele good Shabbos.

(By the way, I thought my brother and I were the only ones who called him Moishele good Shabbos. Obviously everyone called him that. All of Vienna called him Moishele good Shabbos)

Chevre, give me your hearts for a second. This Yiddele says that Moishele finally got himself a false passport, an English passport. Moishele had two children, a little boy and a little girl. He, his wife and two children were sitting on the train leaving Austria, with a passport to go to London. And this yidele says 'I was there on the train'. His wife kep on begging him Moishele, please don't sing And he was singing this niggun nonstop. Please, she said, don't make any noise. Wait until we go out of the border.

The train is slowly leaving. Moishele says I have to sing Good Shabbos Good Shabbos one more time to say so long to Vienna, I have to say goodbye to the city, I have to say good Shabbos. He opened the window and started singing one last time Good Shabbos Good Shabbos Good Shabbos Good Shabbos.

The most heartbreaking thing happened. Since his picture was all over the city, one of the people on the train recognized him and called over one of the Germans. They stopped the train and dragged off Moishele. And I swear to you, this yidele told me. Moishlee didn't stop singing Good Shabbos till that final whip which killed him.

Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos, Good Shabbos Good Shabbos.

I want you to know something incredible.

A few years later, I was supposed to go to do a concert in Manchester on Sunday. and the way to go to the concert I had to leave Tel Aviv Friday morning and I was thinking of going to London and then Sunday I would go to Manchester.

While we are flying, suddenly they announce there's a gas strike in London and they are landing in Zürich. Anybody who wants to go to London when they get to Zürich - they would take care of it and it would be a 16 hour delay, minimum, Friday afternoon.

So one Yid says why don't you got to Antwerp for Shabbos and from there, there will be a ship that leaves at six o'clock in the morning and gets to London at 12 and from there go to Manchester.

Ok, I'm right in Antwerp it was two hours before Shabbos and the Yid who is sitting next to me on the plane invites me for Shabbos and I say yes.

While I'm still talking to this Yid, someone comes up to me. I know this face. He was so sweet that I didn't want to hurt him that he should think that I don't know who he was. He says, mamesh Shlomoleh, come to my house for Shabbos.

I said I'm already going to this Yiddele but give me your telephone, if I have a Melaveh malka I'll invite you. So he writes it down, his name is Heschel.

After he left I said, who is this Heschel. He said, he's the son of Moishele Good Shabbos. Oy, Gevalt, I couldn't believe it.

We have a Melaveh malka, and this yid is there. I say to Hesheleh, do you know your tatty's niggun?

You know something, the most heartbreaking thing; he was too small to remember. I mean Can you imagine it was clear to me the holy gas strike in London was only that I should be in Antwerp and I gave him over his father's niggun.

And gevalt, he looks exactly like his father.

And I want to share with you one more thing.

The last time I saw Moishele, the last time before he walked out he was standing by the door for a long time and he sang

"Tzur Yisroel Tzur Yisroel Kume Be'ezras Yisrael Ufdei Chinumecha Yehuda Veyisroel..."

I want you to know friends, I'm singing this niggun all the time, all the time.

*******************

This past Wednesday night was the wedding of our dear friend Rocky Ziegler to his beloved Bina Wilkinfeld. The wedding was awesome, mamesh awesome. The colorful range of Shtreimels and hippies singing and dancing together was incredible.

Our dear friend and teacher, R Sholom Brodt had the zchus to marry off the couple.

After the chuppa, a young chassidishe yid, a princely looking chassid came up to R Sholom asking him if he was using the tune of Moishele Good Shabbos for the brachas under the chuppa. R Sholom said yes and asked him why he is asking.

'I am Moishele great-grandson, it's my great-grandfather's niggun' replied this yid.

We all began to come up to this very young, shy and humbled yid. We couldn't believe it… we felt we were all part of the story. One by one, we came up to him, bursting with utter simcha and total amazement. This chassid never saw anything like this, and hinted to me that this was very overwhelming for him.

How do I begin to explain to him who his great-grandfather is to us, and to thousands and thousands more? How do I begin to explain to him that thousands of yiddelach daven to his great-grandfather's niggun every day, every Shabbos, every holiday? How do I begin to give over to him who his great-grandfather was to our Rebbe?

He approached me a few minutes later and asked me if I was driving back home, and if I had room in the car for him, his wife and two children. Crazily enough, he only lives 15 minutes away from us. I was humbled beyond belief by the thought of driving him and his family home.

As we closed the door of the car, and a 25 minute ride approaching us, I began to seriously feel Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Succos, all at once. It was so beyond my wife Bina and myself, we simply couldn't believe it.

But then, thank G-d I remembered a recent disc of Reb Shlomo ztz'l I had in the car during Succos. It was a concert on Succos, on the night of the Ushpizin of Moshe Rabbeinu. And during this concert Reb Shlomo began pouring out his heart. 'Friends, I want you to know, one of my greatest Rebbes in the world, one of my greatest teachers I will ever have was Reb Moishele Good Shabbos…' And then Reb Shlomo told over the story with more fire than ever before.

My wife Bina found the cd, and we put it on.

This chassid, whose name is Eliezer Heshel, the son of Moshe Heshel, the son of Eliezer Heshel, the son of Moishele Heshel – thee Moishele good Shabbos… he had never heard the story before. He knew some facts and some stories about his great grandfather, but other than knowing the tune… he didn't know that much more.

He sat behind me, and all I could hear while Reb Shlomo ztz'l was davening away in the backround, was Moishele's great-grandson's amazement. Pshhhh…psssss. He was literally going out of his mind.

His wife (who is related to Rocky's kalla) gave me their home number. Eliezer told me that they have a picture in an old family picture album… one picture of their great-grandfather. He is going to dig it out of the storage in his parents house, and get it to us.

As he got out of the car and was about to walk into his home, he tuned to me and said 'May the zchus of my grat-grandfather Moishele stand for you, your family and your freinds forever.'

I spoke to him last night, and he told me that all they know is that Moishele's ashes are burried somewhere in Vienna. He then told me that Moishele's yahrtzeit is coming up, the tenth of Chsehvan, just six days before our Rebbe's yahzrteit.

What on earth do we know?

Good Shabbos Kodesh

Shlomo & Bina Katz

(Video is of Yehuda Green using R' Shlmo's Moishele Good Shabbos Niggun for Kadish after Slichos and other great niggunim)

Chesed in the Five Towns & Woodmere - Thank you Letter

Guest post by a guest in the Five Towns Community. Very nice to read:

I would like to Thank the 5 Town Community for its heartfelt Chesed to me during my trying time.

With the help of my musical friend Oneg, I posted 2 weeks ago, regarding my situation, having fractured my heal bone and had extensive reconstruction surgery done.

A good friend Levi, allowed me to stay at his place while I needed to recuperate. I have never been here in the 5 towns, and finding myself alone I didn’t know what to do.

I reached out to Bikur Cholim and Ester and family came to my rescue for everything, supplying me with lots of delicious food daily. A day later more people came to the house and shared nice Rosh Hashanah cards their children wrote.

Aaron of Medical Unique has been gracious in setting me up with a wheelchair and servicing it.

The Popacks have taken me in as a new member of the family, enjoying Chava’s magical touch and lovely Shabbat and Chag meals which are so scrumptious.

A few days later Yoni, "the roommate", came back from Uman and its been a Spiritual Ride literally wheeling me to and fro, morning shiurim with Rabbi Weinberger at Aish Kodesh and tending to me every need as well as meeting all the wonderful people caring for me there also helping with giving me rides to my destinations.

Rabbi Wolnwik’s warm Chabad Service at Haftr during Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur was amazing with all the stories and explanations finally understanding what I was davening for as well as the Gabayim making sure I had the right place to sit and daven comfortably.

All the people who invited me for meals and who have wheeled me around and have given me rides to my destinations and more, I Thank You.

I was actually on my way back to Israel to reunite with my family, when this accident happened.

This short Chag time here has opened up my EYES to “SEE” how we as Jew’s care for one another and go to the extremes to help out.

As an ex volunteer Golani Machine gunner who fought in Lebanon and surviving a helicopter crash , saving soldiers and many other events that took place, I never thought I would be in this situation, but B”H, AM YISRAEL CHAI and its all about ACHDUT.

I wish each and every one of you, a year of Bracha and everything that you need and want, you should get with full abundance.

Shanah Tova Umetukah!!!

Eli Zemberg

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Shabbos Shuva, Yom Kippur, Mikva & the Baal Teshuva- By Rav Zvi Leshem

BS"D

SHABBAT SHUVAH

Removing the Impurity of Our Transgressions

Rav Zvi Leshem

In Al Hateshuvah, Rav Soloveitchik writes that any transgression carries with it two negative repercussions - liability and impurity. Although the sinner is obviously liable to punishment, the more serious issue is the tumah, the impurity that has resulted from the sin. This is not in the technical halachic sense, but rather refers to the metaphysical aspect of the spiritual uncleanness that distances us from Hashem. Consequently, explains the Rav, Yom Kippur has two results, kapparah, atonement, and taharah, purity. Each of these is the antidote for one of the results of sin. Rabbi Yehudah Hanasi held that Yom Kippur provides atonement even if the individual does not repent. While this opinion is not accepted, it nonetheless needs to be understood.

For this reason, Rav Soloveitchik writes, "There is atonement without repentance, but there can be no purity without repentance." In other words, just as the sin has a technical ramification in the realm of punishment, so too can the special holiness of Yom Kippur together with its potent sacrifices technically remove the liability for punishment. But can this properly correct a damaged relationship? Does this relieve us of our personal need to appease Hashem? In this situation, does it give us the status of baal teshuvah, penitent, so beloved before God? Obviously not! That can only be achieved through sincere teshuvah with a broken heart!

In the Mishnah, Rabbi Akiva dramatically declares, "You are happy, O Israel! Before whom are you purified, and who purifies you? Your Father in heaven … just as the mikvah purifies the impure, so God purifies Israel!" The Rav points out that this statement was made not long after the destruction of the Second Temple. The Jews at that time were despondent. With no Temple, High Priest, incense offering, or scapegoat, how could they possibly achieve atonement? They felt doomed to lead eternal lives of spiritual tumah, with no chance of repairing their misdeeds and coming close to Hashem. Against this backdrop comes Rabbi Akiva, the eternal optimist, to remind Am Yisrael that ultimately there is only one source of forgiveness, atonement, and purity - Hashem Himself! Even a mikvah is only a mikvah because God has decreed it to be so. Since we no longer have a Temple, the answer is sincere repentance, which brings with it both atonement and purity. For this reason, Rav Soloveitchik concludes his discussion with an idea found in the Maharal and other sources, and takes the comparison between God and the mikvah quite literally. "We must enter into God, into the holiness of Yom Kippur like we enter a mikvah, with no foreign item interposing between our body and the water, with no part of our body remaining outside of the water." As long as we are holding back, as long as we aren't ready to jump in and completely immerse ourselves in Elokut, we cannot really be purified.

The Slonimer Rebbe writes in Netivot Shalom that the three forces that can purify the Jew are the mikvah, Am Yisrael and Hashem Himself. He then quotes the Beit Avraham that, "just as the mikvah only purifies if there is no interposition whatsoever, so too Am Yisrael can only purify if there is no interposition between one Jew and his fellow." This is, of course, another explanation for the halachically mandated need to appease anyone whom we may have offended before Yom Kippur, and to forgive wholeheartedly anyone who has offended us, even if they did not ask. The Netivot Shalom ultimately sees us going through a process in which the mikvah purifies the body (and one must immerse on the eve of Yom Kippur). The connection with Am Yisrael purifies the lower portions of the soul, and finally, Hashem purifies the higher levels of our souls. This is reminiscent of the Piaseczner Rebbe, who writes that to achieve spiritual unity we must first integrate our own personalities, and only then achieve Jewish unity. After that, all of Am Yisrael can finally unite with Hashem.

On Shabbat Shuvah we enter into high gear preparing for Yom Kippur, which is just a few days away. As we have learned from Rav Tzaddok Hakohen, the Shabbat before any holiday contains that holiday's essence, and in this case that is most certainly true. On Shabbat Shuvah, we can already feel the awe and joy of Yom Kippur, its holiness and beauty. Now is the time to plunge into all of the mikvaot: those of water, Am Yisrael, and ultimately that of Hashem Himself. Wash carefully; remove all particles that stand in the way. Nullify yourself to the purifying powers that surround you. Then you will be ready for a Yom Kippur that provides you not only with atonement, but with purity as well.

BS"D

YOM KIPPUR

Before Kol Nidrei

Rav Zvi Leshem

The Rambam has a famous position that only those Jews who live in Eretz Yisrael are referred to as the tzibbur, the public community. This fact invests the Jews living in Israel with a serious responsibility for our brethren who are still in the Diaspora. The Maharil, in his Laws of Yom Kippur, quotes Mahari Segel, who asks why we have longer piyutim, liturgical prayers, regarding the goat that was offered in the Temple than we do about the scapegoat, whose power of atonement was far greater? One of the answers given is particularly interesting. The goat offered in the Temple atones for violations of the Temple's purity and holiness. Since the Temple's holiness is still in effect even when the building is destroyed, and entering the Temple Mount in a state of ritual impurity is a grievous sin, the Jews of the Diaspora ask Hashem to forgive the Jews of Israel who may have been remiss in this area. This reflects the principle that all Jews are responsible for each other. As a proof, the Maharil cites the confessional liturgy in which every Jew asks forgiveness, in the plural, for a long list of sins he may never have committed, since in fact, each of us is asking for forgiveness for every Jew. Let us take a deeper look at the mutual responsibility that every Jew has for each other.

In Chovat HaTalmidim, the Piaseczner Rebbe describes the states of yichud ilaah v'yichud tata, upper and lower unification. Lower unification takes place within Malchut, the collective body of Am Yisrael. After all of the Jews have united (lower unification), then they can collectively unite with the upper sefirot, i.e. with Hashem Himself, reaching the state of upper unification and rectifying all of reality. The Rebbe uses this idea to explain the statement made before we perform many mitzvot, "for the sake of the unity of Kudsha Brich Hu (Hashem) and the Shechinah (represented by the collective Jewish People) … in the name of all of Israel".

The Rebbe explains that this process actually has three stages. Firstly, each one of us must work to make ourselves into an integrated personality, in which the body, brain, and soul all work together to serve Hashem. We all know that when we are feeling personally "not put together" we are not in a state in which we can maintain proper relationships with other people. Secondly, each one of us must work to unite ourselves with all of Am Yisrael. Unfortunately this is easier said than done, but we must never cease in our efforts to bring authentic unity to the Jewish People. Only after these two aspects have been perfected are we, Am Yisrael, as represented by the Shechinah, able to unite with Hashem. Thus the prayer formula which discusses uniting Hashem and the Shechinah ends "in the name of all of Israel," since the higher unity of God and the Shechinah is absolutely dependent upon the prior unification of all of Israel.

The Piaseczner Rebbe further writes in Zav v'Ziruz, that if we want to make spiritual progress, we should set ourselves an annual goal. Where do I want to be one year from now? What kind of person do I want to be by next Yom Kippur? Then, throughout the year, I should measure myself by the standards of the "new person" and check periodically if I am succeeding in closing the gap between the old and the new. If at the end of the year, I am no closer than I was a year ago, then in a sense I have wasted a year of my life, God forbid. Every year we should make it our goal to work on unity, including the personal, national, and cosmic levels. If we all sincerely make this our top priority, we can, with Hashem's help really change ourselves and the world.

Posting (Almost) Live After the Uman Drive by ZEV - Part 2

Being with Rabbeinu Z"L for Rosh Hashanah was Kulo chizuk – In fact, I’d say it was even Magical. The best way I can describe my experience is that in Uman, on Rosh Hashanah, H" Yisbarach is crowned as the King, L'Maaseh, with all the majesty that a group of tens of thousands of Yidden can muster up. From the time that I walked into the Kloiz for selichos Erev Rosh Hashanah (3 am, right off of the plane..) the words "Melech," which are painted on the walls at the front of the Kloiz, served as the humbling intoduction to the soon to be coronation ceremony. Rabbenu's Tzion on Erev Rosh Hashanah was packed, with Yidden from every corner of the world, of every type, pouring out their hearts to the Ribbono Shel Olam, crying, dancing, tearing open the heavens with Tikkun Klali. The energy in Uman, and especially inside by the Tzion, could be felt by everyone there. There were tens of thousands of people there. Inside the Tzion, outside the Tzion, on the streets surrounding the Tzion. Everywhere – davening, crying, confessing in front of the Rebbe. I couldn’t help but to feel the experience deeply.

When I made my way, finally, to the Tzion, and put my head down on Rabbeinu’s matzevah, for the first time, I felt as if he was embracing me. “Rabbeinu, B”H, I’m finally here with you for Rosh HaShanah. – I’m here Rebbe!” One thing I have to say – given the massive number of people there – it was packed, but the Yidden let each other up to the matzevah. I expected to have to fight my way to the front, but it wasn’t like that at all. Everyone there seems to know that everyone else ALSO wants to touch the Rebbe’s kever, and they make it happen, B”H. I was zoche with a few chaverim (B”H, I finally got to spend Rosh HaShanah, by the Rebbe, with REB CHAIM F.!!! – after 4 years of planning it, I finally overcame the meniyos!).

Davening in the Kloiz was probably the most powerful spiritual experience I’ve ever had. I don’t know exactly how many Yidden are in the main shul of the Kloiz – I heard 10,000 with those standing. I had heard about the clapping that goes on my HaMelech, but just couldn’t have imagined the power of that moment. When “HaMelech” is said, everyone there stands up and claps, giving the Master of the World a standing ovation, for at least a minute. The feeling that I experienced at that moment can’t be put into words. It was just so powerful. 10,000 Yidden (or something like that…) clapping for our Father in Heaven. The clap was like a clap of Thunder. It just went through me. I’m not sure I can go through another Rosh HaShanah without that moment (It should be with Moshiach Tzidkeinu, by the Rebuilding of the Beis HaMikdash in the coming year, B’Karov Mamash). The same Clap of Thunder took place at “HaMelech HaKadosh”.

The davening was just so amazing – like I said, Magical. I kept thinking to myself what a zchus it was to be standing there. Such a zchus to be a Ben Melech, clapping for my Father in Heaven. Hameivin Yavin. All throughout Yom Tov, I could hear the Roar coming from the different minyanim – all davening with such intensity. Screaming, clapping, dancing – Lichvod the Melech. And Tashlich … oooooh ahhhh. It was a sea of kittelach surrounding that body of water – a surreal scene of Yidden davening, doing hisbodedus, dancing – a sea of Kedushah.

Taking the charter flight back to Eretz HaKadosh was not my famous part of the trip, BUT after waiting in the airport on endless lines and checkpoints, our holy brethren were having some fun with the baffoon thug Ukrainian soldiers - one precious Yid screams really loud - SCREAMS - to the soldier standing at the head of a line of hundreds of us (the Ukrainian soldiers did their best to make us wait as long as humanly possible before being allowed into various sections of the airport), "Meeeester, Yehi Razon Milfanecha sh'anachnu, bnei malachim, maminim b’nei maminim, yeheyu Moshlim Aleichem B’Karov, BARUCH SHELO ASANI GOY, Meeeeester!!!". The soldier got angry at him, assuming he was being made fun of, and the Yiddele says to him, "MEEEEEEster, I ask you if we can take a peeeecture with you Meeeeester."

Mi K’Amcha Yisroel. I so hope you two Holy Yidden can join the kibbutz next year (in Yerushalayim of course, but if not, then in Uman)!

---Zev

Picture courtesy of Simcha Goldberg. Click here to get Dixie Yid in your e-mail Inbox or here to subscribe in Google Reader.